A history primarily based on what the United States could never accomplish: the right way to be a country.
U.S. dialogue:
Man 1: "So did you see the hockey game last night?"
Man 2: "Oh, I don't watch hockey. What with all the homo-erotic undertones- they threaten me as a person even though a gay person has never harmed me in any way, nor can I prove that the concept of homosexuality is why the world is coming to an end. Not to mention that I had that Republican rally last night where Grandma Abe blamed the Union for her broken hip. I mean really, if we were still allowed to enslave people then she wouldn't have tried to take the Jesus-head Christmas lights down by herself. Back then, all she woulda had to do was dangle some spoiled milk and bread crumbs in their faces and Tito or Red would be nothing but happy to do it."
Man 1: "I see your point. Geez, maybe if it weren't for Canada's History all those slaves wouldn't have had anywhere to flee and the Confederacy would still be in power. You can prolly even blame Canada's History for letting the gays think that they have any rights- come on, love and respect for every person of every orientation or faith is such a pipe dream."
Man 2: "Speaking of pipe dream- got any weed?"
Man 1: "Oh ya man- its the good stuff from Vancouver."
Man 2: "Sweet."
Canadian Dialogue:
Man 1: "So did you see the hockey game last night?"
Man 2: "Ya- it was good... eh?"
Man 1: "So did you see the hockey game last night?"
Man 2: "Oh, I don't watch hockey. What with all the homo-erotic undertones- they threaten me as a person even though a gay person has never harmed me in any way, nor can I prove that the concept of homosexuality is why the world is coming to an end. Not to mention that I had that Republican rally last night where Grandma Abe blamed the Union for her broken hip. I mean really, if we were still allowed to enslave people then she wouldn't have tried to take the Jesus-head Christmas lights down by herself. Back then, all she woulda had to do was dangle some spoiled milk and bread crumbs in their faces and Tito or Red would be nothing but happy to do it."
Man 1: "I see your point. Geez, maybe if it weren't for Canada's History all those slaves wouldn't have had anywhere to flee and the Confederacy would still be in power. You can prolly even blame Canada's History for letting the gays think that they have any rights- come on, love and respect for every person of every orientation or faith is such a pipe dream."
Man 2: "Speaking of pipe dream- got any weed?"
Man 1: "Oh ya man- its the good stuff from Vancouver."
Man 2: "Sweet."
Canadian Dialogue:
Man 1: "So did you see the hockey game last night?"
Man 2: "Ya- it was good... eh?"
by canadiansabatour February 5, 2010
Get the canada's historymug. A sexually deviant act, prevalent in the American Midwest, in which two crack-addicted prostitutes are simultaneously penetrated by a mounted pair of moose antlers (often involving double-penetration if the spread of the antler tines permit). Then, each prostitute drinks as much maple syrup as she is physically able. They then must cause themselves to vomit the syrup into the Stanley Cup, which is placed some feet away, all without causing the moose antlers to be 'coughed out' from their respective orifices. The prostitute who first scores a "basket" into the trophy with her maple-syrup vomit wins, and gets to live. The loser is killed and disposed of in a dumpster behind a truck stop. Note that coughing out her antler is grounds for disqualification.
This is most often performed on April 17th, in observance of the signing the Canada Act by Elizabeth II in 1982.
This is most often performed on April 17th, in observance of the signing the Canada Act by Elizabeth II in 1982.
by Archibald P. Fillibuster February 4, 2010
Get the canada's historymug. when Americans took a steaming pile of poop on Canadians 100 years ago they used a TP called Canada's history. could be used to wipe a Cleavland steamer.
by 100 percent Canadian February 4, 2010
Get the canada's historymug. That sizzling sensation of touching your penis on the frozen flagpole.
(Steven Colbert made me do it).
(Steven Colbert made me do it).
by GCL224 February 4, 2010
Get the canada's historymug. A type of sex act in which a goat is placed up the anus of one partner, while the other partner places a duck up the goat's anus. This sex act was first conceived by Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report.
This particular sex act can lead to "duck-goat ass," which is recognizable because it changes the sound of farts into an amalgamation of duck-quacking and goat-baaaing
This particular sex act can lead to "duck-goat ass," which is recognizable because it changes the sound of farts into an amalgamation of duck-quacking and goat-baaaing
"Whoa, did you just hear that?!? What was it?!?"
"Oh, that's just the sound her farts make because she's been doing the "Canada's History" so much lately."
"Oh, that's just the sound her farts make because she's been doing the "Canada's History" so much lately."
by djdelphi February 4, 2010
Get the canada's historymug. a sexual act of a football player violats a woman while a moose licks maple syrup off your feet. this sexual act does not finish until the woman says 20 polite sentances ending in ay.
by AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! February 4, 2010
Get the canada's historymug. all the worst, most explicit words all combined into one super-offending term, Canada's History.
Triggered by Canada's oldest magazine 'The Beaver' changing its name to 'Canada's history'. They changed it because the word beaver has become synonymous with the word vagina to internet-users, so Stephen Colbert called on fans to make 'canada's history' a sexual word as well.
Triggered by Canada's oldest magazine 'The Beaver' changing its name to 'Canada's history'. They changed it because the word beaver has become synonymous with the word vagina to internet-users, so Stephen Colbert called on fans to make 'canada's history' a sexual word as well.
by omeezy_4_sheezy February 5, 2010
Get the canada's historymug.