Possibly the lamest
band in existence. Their entire catalogue is nearly a carbon copy of a
short phase Radiohead went through before moving onto other things like people with actual artistic
talent tend to do. Coldplay's lyrics are horridly generic, and their lead singer (Chris Martin) likes to wallow in his own sadness and deliver all his lines as if he's about to start
crying at any second like a giant doucher.
Coldplay fans often claim to like the
band on the grounds that their lyrics are really provocative and profound. It is best to avoid all interaction with these people, as their semi-retardation has been proven to be contagious. They can be identified by the shit stains around their eyes, nose, and mouth
due to them habitually burying their heads in their own, and each other's, anuses
Coldplay fan: Dude WTF!? I passed off these Coldplay lyrics as my own
work for this poetry assignment in
English, didn't get caught, and STILL got a D!! Plus now the short bus shows up at my house every
day before school to pick me up! FML!
Person with any musical knowledge whatsoever: Just stay at least 10
feet away from me dude.
12-year-old girl: Hey Chris Martin, thanks for coming over to have sex with me.
Chris Martin: Are you kidding? I like men. I just need your diary to write 12 new songs for the next Coldplay album.