House hunting with Jesus

A near death experience where you are so close to death that you are picking out your final eternal home with your metaphorical savior.

It took the paramedics forever to get Jake back. Guy was house hunting with Jesus for a 20 solid minutes.

by Kungfu Panda Express December 10, 2020

Jesus’ Skin Flute

My first pipe, may it rest in pieces.

Grayson: yooo Preston wake up, we finna smoke, I got JSF ( Jesus’ skin flute )loaded and ready to go.

Preston: alright man lemme wake up

Grayson: hands it to Preston like a fucking retard and drops it.

by Swampass February 21, 2021

Jesus fucking christ

A statement of pure, raw, and utter disbelief. Usually used when you see something absolutely fucking cursed and you can't think of anything asides from "Jesus Fucking Christ."

"So, bro. Did you hear about the whole accident where that kid blew up an entire fucking supermarket?"

"..."

"Bro, you okay?"

"Jesus Fucking Christ.

by RiceOfCourse November 26, 2022

Drowning In The Blood Of Jesus

A term for when someone’s past catches up with them.
The blood of Christ in this interpretation represents sin and his body, a clean sinless body. Meaning when you drown in his blood you’re being consumed by sin.

Guy one: Ah naw remember Tony? That shit finally caught up with him

Guy two: drowning in the blood of Jesus, god bless him

by Toasted Tony November 17, 2021

Jesus Christ on a crutch!

Simply means, "O fuck!" or, "O shit!".

Jesus Christ on a crutch! you shouldn't have done that.

by Telephony2 June 29, 2023

Jesus H. Christ

the name of te guy who made me emo and gave me the gay.

A: Do you know what the 'H.' is Jesus H. Christ means?

A: That's right. It stands for hottie. Jesus Hottie Christ

The following evening, A was beaten up

by urdad.com December 5, 2021

Jesus suffering fuck

An exclamation used only in the direst of catastrophes or moments of greatest frustration. Found to be useful as an all encompassing statement of distress, resignation, or displeasure.

1. Jane was just gathering all of her groceries, paint cans, and Venti Mocha Frappucino from the car when a low-riding, loud muffler sporting Honda Civic passed her at high speed while blasting its high pitched horn causing a puddle-tsunami. "Jesus suffering fuck!" she exclaimed as she dropped her groceries, knocked over her Frappucino, and tripped over a paint can while trying to escape the melee.

2. Jane finally arrived to work 45 minutes late after a frustrating morning cleaning up cat yak only to discover she had left her briefcase at home. *sigh* "Jesus suffering fuck, can't a girl get a fucking break?"

by Suzanne38 October 12, 2008