Jared

A person you can count on to bring Alize to a party.

Do we have any Alize? No, but Jared should be here soon.

by fastwalker December 1, 2011

Jared

Jared Fogel, of Subway diet fame, lost 245 lbs in one year eating Subway fare. Lots of rumors about AIDS, coke, bypass surgery, but he apparently did it honestly.

Fat Bastard, to Austin Powers: "I went on the Subway diet, like Jared and lost 180 pounds. Unfortunately, now my neck looks like a vagina."

by Dr. Dutch Evil April 18, 2006

Jared

A good name that his been ruined by that pedophile from subway.

Girl: What's your name?
Guy: Jared.
Girl: Oh, like that pedo from subway?

by Super Nigger Faggot September 22, 2018

Dirty Jared

When the male partner dips his nose into a tub of guacamole and then proceeds to rub and poke his nose into the female's rim. The action of rubbing and poking is akin to that of anal fisting-albeit with a nose.

Boy 1: Hey you gut any guacamole?

Boy 2: Huh? Eating some salsa?

Boy 1: Nah man, going to Dirty Jared my girl.

by SLAPPY BAG April 1, 2012

Jared

One who humps legs until the point of ejaculation

"My boyfriend pulled a Jared last night; needless to say he got my sheets all wet and I still got nothing out of it."

by Gerch December 31, 2007

jared brown

Someone with paint on their face, and likes touching men.

Jared Brown, that's the kid with paint on his face.

by Killer3001 May 20, 2016

Jared

A creepy boy who likes to approach women in grocery stores while stroking his little dick.

Yeah, I was just trying to get some Oreos when this guy approached me, he was a total Jared, and really short too.

by Noot noot January 20, 2017