Reading the Newspaper

Reading the newspaper is the act of jacking off, beating the meat, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, buffing the banana, wanking off, pocket pool, pleasure yourself, or just plain old masturbation.

Caitlyn: I don't read the newspaper not three, not four, but fifty-six times daily!

Taylor: Ohh girl, I got choo and I love using anime as an aid to reading the newspaper!

Monica: My mom reads the newspaper, every morning before breakfast..

by t0uchmiib0dy August 2, 2008

Reading Grandma A Bedtime Story

To masturbate while eating out old women-also known as playing Counter Strike.

Man, go read grandma a bed time story.

by DIE May 28, 2003

Reading Textbooks

Code for smoking weed.

Joe: Hey Bob wanna go and start reading textbooks after school today?
Bob: Hell yeah!
Uninformed kid: Oh wow they sure like studying. They don't look like the type to care about school.

by Ightweed January 9, 2015

I'm not reading that

A phrase used for when a piece of text disgusts you.

Person A: Hey, can you go on Urban Dictionary and look up Surprise Party?

Person B: *looks it up*

... I'm not reading that.

by ChameleonDragon December 21, 2019

Reading

When referring to a woman's breasts, size depends on how well she reads. The larger the size, the better she reads. Also another name for cleveage.

1) That girl definately looks like she's been reading...

2) Wow, you must have started reading early.
3) I just bounced my last shot off her reading.

by LibraryRapist September 20, 2009

Sorry, I've been reading Sarah Dessen

When someone says something romantic as a joke, and you take it way to deeply; a symptom that occurs while/after reading a book by Sarah Dessen.

Ryan: Hahaha girl u funny, i love you!
Julie: Oh Ryan! I love you too! My heart yearns for you with a burning passion! i would walk thru fire for you!
Ryan: Ummm... i was just...
Julie: Oh. Sorry, I've been reading Sarah Dessen!

by CrazyCatWads August 3, 2011

Reading people

to yell at someone for being a moron or when they just need to know about themselves.

I can't go one day with-out Reading people at this school

by Bunnyboy87 June 7, 2010