The Satanic Bible

The holy book of Satanism; the unequivocal, modern, definitive edition. By Nolan Aljaddou. THE OFFICIAL 2012 CONFIRMATIONS; OR, CONFESSIONS OF THE ANTICHRIST.

Anagram, am I? Mr. A., again! Or Ram, the Arm of Ra
(if myths manage a say).

The Satanic Bible - is written by RAM (Satan).

by Ubermensch-One March 19, 2018

Theistic Satanism

Theistic Satanism is the most popular and common form of Satanism. This type of Satanism is not what is portrayed like in today's world. These Satanists(as well as all other variants of Satanism) are not evil, don't kill or commit any crimes. Satanists work their entire lives on being more spiritual and more in-tune with the earth. Theistic Satanist know that Satan (sometimes referred to as Enki as well as a few other names) and the Gods/Demons to be real beings. Through rituals and meditation, Theistic Satanists work to awaken energy in their body called the Kudalini Spirit, once this has awoken, the individual has reached godhead and will become a Demon/God after death. This practice takes a long time to achieve, taking more than one life, which means one most go through many lives to achieve godhead.

I am dedicated Theistic Satanist, and proud.

Theistic Satanism is a wonderful lifestyle full of self fulfillment.

by AnarchyStocking July 16, 2011

Not Today Satan

When a evil blood sucking succubus tries to ruin your friends or your life.

When your friend's ex ask you for his new number. Not today Satan

by GreatwhiteClark October 12, 2015

Satan's Monacle

The spinning wheel of doom given out by a Mac trying to process seemingly simple task.

I just want to launch iTunes! Why must I face Satan's Monacle again!?!?!?

by Singster725 December 9, 2008

Sataner's dozen

The number eleven.

Coined by John Stuart referring to Obama not attending church in his first eleven weeks.

John Stuart "Obama hasn't been to church in eleven sundays, well thats a Sataner's Dozen!"

by Aasif Mandvi April 9, 2009

satan's spatula

When a fart is so raunchy, it's as if the jaws of hell opened due to Satan's craving to slap you in the face with his personal spatula. It's bad.

"Holy shit dude, what'd you eat? I was just slapped by satan's spatula!"

by thunderpussycocksmack August 11, 2009

Satan's buttcheeks

The most glorious and supple mounds of sinful flesh known to man. Their firm texture is known to draw people in before Satan twerks people to death between his mighty cheeks. This is the ultimate punishment.

Also, satans-buttcheeks is the tumblr of a very neat-o mosquito person, according to the internet.

Person 1: I hope that guy dies by the power of satan's buttcheeks.
Person 2: Amen, nigga. Amen.

by satans-buttcheeks is shameless July 19, 2013