Califasturbation

Like Californication, but instead of California fornicating with every other place in the world and taking over their culture, it's Californian cultural osmosis lightly sprinkling everywhere else metaphorical information-cum.

"Aren't all American license plates white with red and blue bits on them?"
"No, my learned friend, that is Califasturbation."

by Forton Smork June 5, 2023

California Sunrise

When you wake up from a long night and feel a pain in your bum.

“I woke up early in the morning with a pain in my rear and Jamal in my bed. A hell of a California Sunrise!”

by MdstandsforMYDICK June 29, 2023

Califorgunian

Califorgunian-pro 2nd ammendment Californians who have transplanted to Oregon, between 1985 and 1993. Back in a time when Oregon was still a sensible place to move to and live. Since 1987, sadly, the state has been run down by poser, wanna be gangsters that only come out of their basements during the summer months (July 15th to Labor Day), and wear black masks during protests; against what they really are, fascists. Those people are Califorgonians or Antifa not Califorgunians.

Kevin - "Karen, did you see those Califorgunians that moved in next door?"

Karen - "They didn't even stop at the granola trough or admire the Sooby. Califorgunians eat meat. There goes the neighborhood."

Kevin - "We should call our Califogonian friends (because we have those) and protest. How dare the Califorgunians think for themselves and practice freewill. Fascists!"

by McCockinCider July 10, 2023

California

pain made into a state. this state on the outside feels like a charming, warm rich state, but to all the locals, its nothing but hell raised up from the basement of the purely gates. homeless tents everywhere, crackheads invading 7-eleven, In-N-Out using white lounge chairs, trash everywhere, people getting into fights because of baseball. tourists of california, g ͔̀e̶̡͌ẗ̴͉́ ̶͓̏o ̱͆u ̥̀t̵͜͝ ̡̓ŵ̴̗h̴̞̓i̴͖͑l ̞͝ẹ̴̑ ̴̃͜y ̡̽ȍ̶̲ȕ̴̲ ̡̔s̵̡͒t̵͇͂i̶̙̒l̶̳̈́l̶͓̕ ̴̤̑c̴͉̀a̶̲̐n̶̙̽, ͍̂ ̴̲̀a ̠̅l̶͍̈l̴̫̋ ͍̍o ̙̈f̶̭̄ ̴̡͋t̴̫͊h ̧̔ĭ̴̮s ̙̄ ̙̓i ̩͌s ̥͝ ͍̋l̶͉̋í̴̯e ͔̓ṣ̴͑,̵̨̈́ ̴͈͝g ̘̂ŏ̶͜,̶͈̋ ̶̭̍ȓ̶̠u̶̘͋n ̼̓, ̜̀ ̲̂f̶͕̈a̴̗̅s ͙̏t ͉̚,̵̟͌ ͖͑R̴̡͔̀̓̏͠U ̭̯͎̖̻́͗̌̄́̕N ̛͍̩͗̌̀̈́̕ ̵̥͇͕̀͆ͅG ̪̗̯̻͑̇͜O ̤̳̲̜̹̹͠ ̴̧̟̖͍̺̐͛D ̙̳̺͊̒̈́͆̚O̵̰͖̳̓͆͝ ̨̗͍̰̓̅Ẁ̵̺͇̪̙̚̕͠H ̲̠̖͆̐̾͐̀͜A ̟͗T̴̩͓̩͈̓ ̼̭͖͍̏͌͛͆I̵̧̛͕̫̯ ͖͔̩̝͇̔̈́C ̟̳̠̋̅̀Ö̶̻̦͈̻̭̥̑̈͋̃̒U ̩̗̗͈̣̤̿L̵̦̓͝D ̟̏̏͝N̵̯̓̓̑͘͘'̴̜̜̽̚T ̡̲̤͓̎̑ͅ ̶̢̛̮̟̬̖̓Ǫ̶̛͚̮̪͔͖́R ̧͛͛͘ ̛͖̯̓̂̏Y̶͕͍̆O ̬̝̖͒U̴̡̪̾̔̚ ̵̞͇͉̫̏̀͜͠ͅW ̙͊̓͊̑͂͘I ̨̭͙̦͖̆̓̊̀̊͘͜L̶̛͈̔͊̚͝L ̛̳̤̀̐ ̩̈́͐̒B ͖͚̆͂̊͐͝Ḙ̵̼̙͇͖͐ ̯̙͖̇̒̀T̵͕̗̣̀͜R ̠̔́A̶̛͓͆̅̇P̴̛̞͔͔̻̰̿P ̡͆E ̢̛̜̯͕͍̀̒̚̕D̶̼͊͂ ̲̂̈́̓F̵̮̮̮̓̏̃̌̿͝Ỡ̴̢̦̻̰̱̼͂͋͠Ŕ̶̘̺̱̓̎́̎E̶̛̖͎̺̗̰̮̒͂V̵̲̔̊̅E ̹̘̻̥̏̈́̈̿̚R̴̖̝̭̈́͗̒͛̃̅ ̵̥̹̜͕̰̒ͅW̴͑̇͜A ͉̙͉̯̰͊͑͋̿̐R ̤̑̾̆̃̚N̴͓͑͆̇ ̡̨̞̮̖͔̔̋̂̿͊͘Ȇ̴̟̜V ̠̥̲̦̭̇̍͒̾̅È̴̮̞͖͆͆͆ͅR̵̡̲̦̱͑͋̓͠Y̴̻̏͘͠ͅO ̩̖̠̝̪̓N̵̢̡̬̲̰͓͋͑̾̈̓E ͈̔͒͂ ͈̭͌̈́͒̏͒͊͜ͅB̴͙̝͙͊͒E̵̥̥͙͛̐͝F ̢̨͚̮̺̓̋̍̈͐͊O ̡̞̞̩̫͈̂̌̉͛̎̐R ̼̲̮͓͐̍͘E ̺̰̔͗̂͋̈́͠ ̶̨̰̞̖̍̀̽̆͆ͅI̴̡̺̯͎̱͙͑T ̖͋͛S ̰̞̬́̅̉̏ ̴̨͖̩͚̞̫̃̚T ͖̬͔͉͑̄̉̊͆O ̋̕͜ ̙̦͎̹̼͓̿̕L ̗̬́A ̧͖͔̈͛T̶̥͐̇̐-̶̰̿ͅ

all of u.s.: oh look its the average california resident.

by t0ph4t1 July 24, 2023

California Carousel

When you fist your partner in the ass, hold them up on your arm like a puppet, and raise and lower them in a motion similar to that of a carousel.

Amy did you hear that Jeff gave Beth a California Carousel the other night?

by WeirdShitsInMyTits August 1, 2023

California Diamonds

Sparkly crystals typically found on pavement in parking ramps, parking lots and sides of streets. These crystals are mined through efforts of extreme greed, mainly in the regions of San Francisco, Oakland and San Jose. Authorities haven’t pursued the regulation of the harvesting of these crystals and in fact encouraged it through policy decisions leaving the free market to drive their harvesting. Entities like Safelite and AAA have greatly profited greatly from the sharp rise in their popularity. Generally harvested by lower class populations due to the low bar to enter this highly lucrative sector, it has lead to explosive growth. Driven by demand, consumers don’t seem to care the color or clarity unlike more traditional precious stones, gray, green and blue are the most common shades.

“Wow, look at all these California Diamonds on the ground in this parking garage! I don’t think these are ethnically sourced, let’s park somewhere else.”

by midwestisthebestwest August 12, 2023

California Celibate

When a bisexual woman stops pursuing men. It's like California sober, but instead of weed, it's gay sex.

"Technically she's bi, but she's not interested in you, dude. She's California Celibate."
"The hookup was so bad, I decided to be California sober for a while. No more straight sex."

by Meatball the Clown July 17, 2024