Absol

Absol, a Dark-type Pokemon registered as the 359th Pokemon in the National Pokedex, is well-known for appearing before catastrophes occur, often natural disasters. While these poor creatures can often be blamed for causing the trouble, the truth is that they're capable of sensing subtle changes in the weather with the horns protruding from the right sides of their heads, so they try to warn people, but, being a Pokemon, an Absol can pretty much only say "Absol Absol Absol," making for a truly unfortunate situation if this Pokemon is misunderstood.

Another notable comment that must be made about Absol is the mind-boggling beauty that this species possesses. To understand this, recall two of the most important qualities of the sky, those being the enlivening rush of innocent purity that it can send coursing through one's heart on a perfect summer day, and its power in the night to capture a soul and set it on fire to burn with the deep & mysterious intensity of innumerable stars suspended in a vast sea of the most wondrous shade of blue. You see, the Disaster Pokemon, Absol, captures this intense majesty in all of its 47 inches & 103.6 pounds of white & dark blue, vaguely feline splendor.

Oh, and the typical lifespan of an Absol is easily 100 years.

Absol: (Oh, darn, looks like a tornado's gonna strike tomorrow. Better go warn the villagers.)
Absol: *stands majestically atop mountain overlooking village*
Villager 1: Oh, no, an Absol! Must be another tornado coming!
Villager 2: Yeah yeah sure, tornado, but just... look...

Villager 2: *is completely entranced*
Villager 1: Oh... yeah...
Villager 1: *is completely entranced*
Villager 2: We should have tornadoes more often.

by absolitude April 19, 2015

Absolutesalmon

An absolute salmon is a large or small fish caught by two or more big mons.

It’s an absolutesalmon yo

by BigMonRoySturgis January 22, 2021

Absolute straight

This refers to one who's sexuality has reached a level beyond all others. Those who reside in this coalition of superior members of society only congregate sexually with other superior members of society who are equally Absolute Straight. Partnering with those below Absolute Straight strips one’s title as Absolutely Straight.
- anything below par of Absolute, is super straight.

Random bitch: 'Hey, I really like you, wanna go out sometime?' Chad: 'I would like to express no apologies to an inferior being such as yourself. Get the fuck out of my sight fucking scum. I am an Absolute Straight. I do not find myself attracted to anyone remaining on the spectrum of sexuality, but only those like me who have surpassed it. In other words, I only fuck with Absolute Bitches, random bitch '

by Inspector Quool March 17, 2021

Ideological Absolutism

A quality of human behavior which causes us to take absolute stances on ideas and then to define ourselves based on these stances. A major cause for division and conflict amongst humanity.

If it weren't for ideological absolutism we would have so much unity amongst humanity.

by AdarNation January 18, 2017

moral absolutism

The opposite of moral relativism, moral absolutism refers to belief in absolute moral grounded in God. Note that moral absolutism is both absolute and not absolute. As the magisterium of the Catholic church discerns more of God's truth and we understand His will better, they adapt their absolute definition of morals to reflect the newfound truth. However, this truth has been there all along and we were just doing it the wrong way previously, so it is the absolute truth (I think, but I'm not sure. Too much Catholic politics).

The Catholic church claims to have always followed a principle of moral absolutism. In the middle ages, it was discerned that indulgences were OKAY. After Martin Luther did the East–West Schism, the Catholic church found itself with less power and affluence due to its reduced size, so it went back to the Bible and reinterpreted it to mean that indulgences are NOT OKAY.

by Bad C dev March 4, 2021

New Year's Absolution

Easily described as the feelings of relief and consolation that you feel when you find out that all your friends gave up their New Year's Resolution(s) too.

Person 1: 'Aren't you supposed to be at the gym?'

Person 2: 'Hey well Frank went out to the bar yesterday!'

Person 1: 'Oh, thank god, it's New Year's Absolution.'

Person 1: Sighs and light's a cigarette.

by Bustedcoolguy December 30, 2009

Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing

A meme started years ago from Mario Party gameplays where the player would choose Luigi for certain minigames and stay afk. In most cases, the chosen minigames are luck based or an '1-vs-3' minigame where Luigi's team wins.

Said meme became quite popular with the time, and now there are like thousands of those 'Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing' videos on YouTube. Most are quite amusing to watch, I suggest giving them a try.

Mario: A B A A L R A A R R L B B A L A B-
Mario loses. Mamma mia!

Luigi:

...

Aaaaand Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing.

by Insert original username June 15, 2020