big telly pokey bum wank

The insertion of your finger or object into your rectum whilst masturbating / jerking off, to increase pleasure while watching pornography or sexually stimulating broadcast material to enhance the experience, either on television or vvia internet streaming on computer, smartphone or tablet.

He was so aroused by the two lesbians performing cullingus on each other on late-night television, he couldn't resist giving himself a big telly pokey bum wank.

by Mackem Beefy September 19, 2021

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Wanking the dog

To waste time doing something unecessary.

Example: Gary got fired for wanking the dog.

by PotsNPan July 16, 2021

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1984 Wank

When the you don't have access to porn so you have to use your imagination to masturbate.

Person 1: 'The battery went on my phone while I was trying to find some porn!'

Person 2: 'Gutted for you'

Person 1: 'It's okay I just had a 1984 wank instead. Takes a bit longer but gets the job done.'

by Phillyfella July 22, 2021

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Complicated Wank

A reach around with added difficulty.

While juggling 9 cats and eating Doritos? That’s a complicated wank!

by Dudeknowsstuff July 30, 2021

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Deliveroo and wank

The apotheosis of living for the modern middle aged family man. Netflix and chill, for husbands who have long ago abandoned both erotic frisson and euphemism.

"The wife's away, so I'm going to treat myself to a Deliveroo and wank."

"You mean..."

"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."

by bighairyotter August 10, 2021

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