Fart Fact 7

There are lots of fart jokes, but this one holds a record, it’s around 4000 years old and is the oldest known joke. It's an ancient Sumerian proverb that says, "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman who did not fart in her husband's lap.”

Fart fact 7 must have happened to every bloke who has ever had a girl sit on his lap.

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

Fart Fact 12

Believe it or not your arse can tell whether you are going to fart or crimp off a length! The nerves in your rectum can tell whether it’s gas or solids on the move so if you need to let it go, let it go. There is, however, one exception; when you have a case of the runs, Kansas Quickstep if you prefer, and your crap is more liquid, the nerve endings can become confused which can result in a follow through.

“I know Fart Fact 12 says it’s not possible, but when Malcolm farts, it always smells like he he’s crapped himself.”

by AKACroatalin October 31, 2019

Fart Fact 13

Holding in a fart won’t harm you. You're not going to explode or damage your gut, but sooner or later your body is going to get rid of that gas, so why not consider letting it go when it will have the most effect.

“Mikey got slung out of church!”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”

by AKACroatalin November 1, 2019

Libra-fact

When something is so factual it must be printed on the wrapper for a Libra sanitary pad.

Tina: Did you know that more than half of women in the United States will not leave their home without makeup on?
Grace: Really?
Tina: Yeah, it's Libra-fact.

by pastrychefsniper March 23, 2010

Matt Fact

Tidbits of information that someone tries to pass off as true, when they're really just bullshit.

He tried to tell me that people can digest lactose until age 25, at which point they become intolerant, unless they've consumed enough milk before then. I said, "stop feeding me Matt Facts"

by Coogrrs July 7, 2016

Fart Fact 8

Farts are explosive, not just the way they come out of your arse, but two of the gases in farts are inflammable. Methane and hydrogen, are inflammable, which is what makes it possible to cause a small explosion if you hold a lighter up to your rear end when you fart. It’s not a good idea though, we’ve all heard the story about the kid who farted at the candles on his birthday cake and ended up in hospital with a badly burned backside so don’t do it.

“Have you heard Malcolm’s had to go to hospital after setting light to his fart.”
“Fart fact 8, though I’m surprised with the amount of gas he produces he didn’t end up in orbit.”

by AKACroatalin October 28, 2019