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Spamton Speak 

Speaking like the character Spamton G. Spamton from Deltarune might. It is accomplished by replacing certain words or phrases with other words or phrases that are usually related to television or radio, or words related to old technology in general.
" I was feeling gooooood but then Tiffany and her goonies came over and Hyperlink Blocked my ENTRY POINT LOCATED and it was not fun"
"Bro what?"
"Are you getting these readings?! man? I'm trying to be crystal clear with new Haberide glass cleaner but I guess you can't understand me or something huh? Or are you just completely avoid the IRS my problems? I don't even know why I communications are stable you anymore]"
"Bruh you built like a TV dawg, how's you blaming me for your janky ass being all klinky klanky in here"
" It's just Spamton speak bro chill out"
"YOU CHILL MOFO"
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Political Speak 

The art of changing two way discourse into one-way communication; sticking to the party message no matter what the other is saying. The abbreviation for political speak is BS.
When was the last time you saw a politician give a straight answer to a question being asked of them? Political speak is when a politician is interviewed and asked a question and the politician answers with a response that has nothing to do with the question, but rather propounds the party message on their topic of the day. Thus transforming what was a two way discourse into a one way diatribe with very little if any meaningful content.
Political Speak by MikeW303 June 2, 2011

LOL speak 

Used on websites such as "I can has cheeze burger" and "i has a hot dog", LOL speak is commonly used to caption (or "capshun" in LOL speak) adorable pictures of cute and fuzzy animals.
"I need to capshun this photo so I can send it into a blog"
"Well, don't forget to use LOL speak!"

"I can has cheeze burger?"
LOL speak by whaturinto April 30, 2008

hear no evil speak no evil see no evil 

to not want to take a part in a situation, this phrase is often times followed by the additional phrase of, "do no evil"
Cartman: "Who killed Kenny?"

Innocent Bystander: "hear no evil speak no evil see no evil."

Retard speak 

When people spell things wrong and use text speak on msn/facebook etc. Normally lacks most vowels.
Usually needs some kind of 'translation' to read.
Lmao, that was so funny when you took that pill and you fell off your chair
Retard speak = lmao tht ws so fnny whn u tk tht pill n u fell of ur char.
Retard speak by busybee6363 September 7, 2010

can i speak to you son 

If your dad is cool and he says it, he's pulling you aside to have a confidential "coaching" moment, while saving you the embarrasment of having your friends hear the whole subject.

Can also be said to someone about your own age who is being a bit naive, for example about a girl who might be bad news, but who your homey is starting to get caught up in. You might say to him "can i speak to you son" as a way of letting him subtly know he might want to talk to you because there might be something you know that he might want or need to know.
Your unsuspecting friend: "Man, I don't see why all them other dogs be saying that girl is a golddigger! She seemed nice, and very interested in me."

You: "can i speak to you son"

Text Speak

A newly developing dialect whereby the speaker can convey a lengthy or complicated thought by abbreviating phonetically or through the use of substitutive letters, numerals and characters. Most of the time this dialect is only used in a situation where there is limited space (such as in an anline video game, where you can only write one line at a time) or when using a cell phone to send messages because the alphanumeric entry process makes writing complete words/sentences impractical. Text speak also includes the use of short-word slang as well. These words are almost always either just a few letters long or occasionally can be longer if a modifying prefix is used to make a whole new word.

Oddly enough, this new dialect has only a written form, as any attempt to speak it out loud is both impractical and unusually difficult, despite the fact that all the specifics are words and phrases used in everyday speech.
The most difficult thing about learning textspeak is developing a sense of nuance. Since it is impossible to use body language, voice inflection, pitch or tone nor can you make eye contact, other compensatory measures have been taken to fill in these communicative gaps. Typing in all capitals is considered shouting and using quotes is giving emphasis to a particular word. Going through the effort to actually type an entire perfect sentence usually indicates that the writer considers the thought to be an important one and most people do pay better attention to these.
The basic rules of this dialect are simple, though. It is acceptable to misspell a word, so long as the phoentics are present, such as "tho" instead of "though". It is also acceptable to use a single character to represent several others, such as "U" instead of "You" or "4" in place of "For". Also, words can just be invented and passed around which consist of a series of unpronouncable letters and numbers that still have a written meaning, if not a verbal possibility. P10x = "Please help me" and Pwn = To completely dominate in some fashion
Some of these last can simply never be traced to origin, as they may be the result of a typo or subjective evolution from their original reference. Whole words are actually frowned upon in textspeak, unless used to define context. Typing "Why four?" or "What for?" is preferable to typing just a numeral 4 and a question mark in certain circumstances, because the latter may cause confusion, and one of the former will have to be typed anyway as well as the addition of a texted apology/embarrased laugh. The other exception is in the case where there is no established textspeak version of the word.
Soz, Srry, Sry can all be used to say "I'm Sorry." But there is no textspeak word for "Apologize" Using a longer word can also be used to reflect the importance of what one is trying to say.
Still other characters are used to express more complex thoughts via the literal interpretation of their appearance. <3 is actually representing heart, end thereby a great degree of affection. Most of these are often referred to as emoticons, but that word is coming to more and more refer specifically to small digitally created faces (also called "smiley's) depicting human emotions. The faces can be useful to someone who is new at textspeak, as they can be used to convey the emotion or emphasis of the writing.
"Heya, Bro. WUU2" - "What you up to"
The first party is asking a good friend what they are doing.
"LOLZ, Nothin ATM U?" A more personalized version of Laughing Out Loud followed by "Nothing At The Moment. What are you doing?"
"Bored skillin FTW =P" I am engaged in a particularly tedious task in a video game whereby I hope to develop a particular skill and become more proficient. The FTW means For The Win, in this case, the sarcastic version is being used. In text speak, the "equals" sign followed by a letter "P" is a visual cue translated as sticking out one's tongue.
Text Speak by Trask238 May 22, 2009