Wood

Yeah, this is going to be dope. I might do like a Samson one next.

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow."

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow. "

Guard "Alright now... Carry the wood."

Jesus "Okie dokie. OOF! That feels WAY heavier than I thought it would! It's weird being on the other side of it...."

Guard "Go!"

Jesus "Yeah, no I didn't make these meat Gundams very well..."

*Crowd clamoring in the background*

Father 😨 "What in the fuck is happening right now...?"

Crowd "Kill Jesus! Meh!"

Father "You KNOW he didn't do anything!"

Jesus "Ope... Going down... *THUD!*"

Guard "You there! What's your name?"

Father "Huh? Uh.... Simon? Simon of Cyrene."

Guard "Help him carry the thing. Help him carry the wood."

Father "Do you know even who you're talking to right... You know what? Whatever"

*Lifts wood*

Jesus "Hey *Father*! Er, oh... Heheheh."

Father "Yeahyeah, very funny."

Jesus "I think so. Yeah."

Father *exasperated sigh*

Jesus "I don't think that guard likes me very much."

Father "Yeah... I think I'm going to burn him alive later..."

Jesus "Heheheh."

Father "Tsk! This is dumb. Why are you doing this?"

Jesus "Yeah... I don't know.... What else is there to do?"

Father 😧 "Um... I don't know, I guess. I don't like this..."

Jesus "Hey, not too late to save me."

Father "From what!?"

Jesus "Heh... Alright. Here we are."

Guard "Alright. Move along."

Father 😡 *Disgruntled mumbling* "Gonna move that fucking flesh along... Right offa that fucking skeleton of yours..." 😤

Guard "Alright. Let's nail him to the wood and get out of here."

*Hammering noises*

Jesus "Ow."

Guard *Stabs Jesus and walks away*

Jesus "Hey! Ouch! That is sharp...."

Dismas "Oh Lord! Please! Please forgive me!"

Jesus "Ok."

Gestas "Hey, why don't you just use your God magic, huh?"

Jesus "Ok."

Crow *Lands next to Gestas*

Gestas "AAAAAH! AAAH! MY EYES! AAAAAARRGH!!!"

Jesus "Heheheh... This is fun. You guys are fun... Hey... I'm getting cold... This... This feels weird... *Father*! Why have you forsaken me!? Heheheh..."

Father *Disgruntled groan* "GodIhateyousomuchrightnow..."

by Hym Iam August 11, 2023

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Evan Rachel Wood

A literal angel.

I love this woman.

Evan Rachel Wood is the closest thing to God I've ever known.

by Spanky McQueefbottom April 10, 2023

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Riley Wood

This guy Riley Wood will take your girl and all da hoes this guy has a massive wood.
Awesome guy overall 😎👍

That guy is packing dont steal my girl i beg he is such a Riley Wood

by ANDWHaT!!!??? April 20, 2023

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Wood Wednesday

Similar to Titty Tuesday, it’s when guys gotta send dick pics

Wood- dick
Wednesday- day to send

Person 1: I rlly want him to send me something
Person 2: just tell him its wood wednesday!

by Colleennnn May 3, 2023

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Slapping the Wood

A way to refer to masturbation using male genitalia

"I was Slapping the Wood last night."

by Aubri the Thugshaker May 11, 2023

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ShadowMan of New Jersey Parkway Wooded areas

He’s a shadow man who haunts the surrounding areas of Holly Parkway and Laurel Lane in Williamstown, New Jersey he is described too have no facial features but he does wear a slenderman type suit and he likes too hide behind trees and spook visitors with footsteps and growls. He is considered a demonic entity. He typically hides from aware children but is somewhat open too ghost hunters.

That’s ShadowMan of New Jersey Parkway Wooded areas

The who?

The ShadowMan of New Jersey Parkway Wooded areas he haunts the area

by I play Skyrim September 7, 2023

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