Wood Burner Tattoo

The scars / burn marks which one receives on their wrist or forearm from attempting to jam too large a piece of firewood into a small wood stove.

If you already have 5 wood burner tattoos before Christmas you should either drink less or cut your firewood smaller.

by Definerofdefinitions October 4, 2023

War of the Woods

Football, Basketball, or Baseball games played between the rivalry of “The Woodlands High School” and “The Woodlands College Park” for the reigning title of the superior Woodlands Highschool.

“Are you going to the Woodforest stadium for the war of the woods? College Park is starting mugshot mickey”

by Likelyjuice July 14, 2023

Wood

Yeah, this is going to be dope. I might do like a Samson one next.

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow."

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow. "

Guard "Alright now... Carry the wood."

Jesus "Okie dokie. OOF! That feels WAY heavier than I thought it would! It's weird being on the other side of it...."

Guard "Go!"

Jesus "Yeah, no I didn't make these meat Gundams very well..."

*Crowd clamoring in the background*

Father 😨 "What in the fuck is happening right now...?"

Crowd "Kill Jesus! Meh!"

Father "You KNOW he didn't do anything!"

Jesus "Ope... Going down... *THUD!*"

Guard "You there! What's your name?"

Father "Huh? Uh.... Simon? Simon of Cyrene."

Guard "Help him carry the thing. Help him carry the wood."

Father "Do you know even who you're talking to right... You know what? Whatever"

*Lifts wood*

Jesus "Hey *Father*! Er, oh... Heheheh."

Father "Yeahyeah, very funny."

Jesus "I think so. Yeah."

Father *exasperated sigh*

Jesus "I don't think that guard likes me very much."

Father "Yeah... I think I'm going to burn him alive later..."

Jesus "Heheheh."

Father "Tsk! This is dumb. Why are you doing this?"

Jesus "Yeah... I don't know.... What else is there to do?"

Father 😧 "Um... I don't know, I guess. I don't like this..."

Jesus "Hey, not too late to save me."

Father "From what!?"

Jesus "Heh... Alright. Here we are."

Guard "Alright. Move along."

Father 😡 *Disgruntled mumbling* "Gonna move that fucking flesh along... Right offa that fucking skeleton of yours..." 😤

Guard "Alright. Let's nail him to the wood and get out of here."

*Hammering noises*

Jesus "Ow."

Guard *Stabs Jesus and walks away*

Jesus "Hey! Ouch! That is sharp...."

Dismas "Oh Lord! Please! Please forgive me!"

Jesus "Ok."

Gestas "Hey, why don't you just use your God magic, huh?"

Jesus "Ok."

Crow *Lands next to Gestas*

Gestas "AAAAAH! AAAH! MY EYES! AAAAAARRGH!!!"

Jesus "Heheheh... This is fun. You guys are fun... Hey... I'm getting cold... This... This feels weird... *Father*! Why have you forsaken me!? Heheheh..."

Father *Disgruntled groan* "GodIhateyousomuchrightnow..."

by Hym Iam August 11, 2023

Bethany wood

Absolute sort. Definitely has a god complex because she is literally perfect. Loves intimidating boys but will only get with boys that have some sort of power over her, eg her boss. The only thing bigger than her ego is her biceps. Probably the funniest girl you will ever meet.

Sometimes I pray to a Bethany Wood.
Another word for ‘God’

by Abomination453 November 22, 2021

a babe in the woods

a person who needs protection

he's a babe in the woods, he needs protection

by Mr. crap bag November 21, 2021

hop off wood

a saying used to tell someone to stop dickriding

you getting me mad tight right now hop off wood

by transgenderer July 9, 2022

Wood Hammer

When a femme-dom has her cuck tied up on the floor, she has her other partner stand over him, and she slaps the cuck with his dick, in a hammer type motion.

My mistress gave me the wood hammer last night, and I weirdly loved it.

by Sickfuckers July 10, 2022