Divorce vows

The vows the divorcing couple make to each other with hopes of a cordial post-marriage relationship. Awash in disillusion, not unlike with marriage vows, the couple untying the knot make promises of paying child support regularly, not switching weekends without notice, embracing new spouses, etc.

The divorce vows Rick and Cindy made to each other lasted about 3 months, approximately the same time as marriage vows last before disintegrating into reality.

by Grant Rampus February 7, 2021

Divorce Present

Like a push present. Except you buy something for yourself to celebrate your new found independence.

Check out my new car! It's my divorce present.

by Kitty kitty lol lol February 22, 2021

Divorce whisperer

The person who confronts you with the truth that you should get a divorce.

I'm forever grateful to Sofia, my divorce whisperer, for telling me that I should get a divorce instead of continuing to try to make a failing marriage work.

by Wonder Woman JK June 21, 2018

divorce weight

The target weight of a woman who is or will be back on the market. To estimate (in lbs) 1.5 x weight at marriage (or use her actual weight while married) then subtract 2 x her age at divorce. e.g. A woman married at 120 lbs (maxed out at 180 lbs) and got divorced at 40. Divorce weight=(1.5 x 120)-(80)=100lbs

Wow that chic looks 10lbs short of healthy - she must be at her divorce weight.

by wyrick May 19, 2011

happily divorced

The opposite of happily married. Just really glad to be rid of that bitch.

Dude, are you still happily married?
No, bruh, I'm happily divorced.

by Hugeau April 15, 2019

redneck divorce

n. an order of protection (or restraining order) obtained against one's spouse

Intern: But I don't get it, judge. They're not living together, they're fighting over this boat, he has an order of protection out against her, but they're still married?

Judge: Neither one of them would agree to pay the attorney's fees for an actual divorce. This is what some lawyers call a redneck divorce.

by Covite November 28, 2011

velvet divorce

running with the idea of a velvet rope, a velvet divorce is a dissolution of a relationship where you get the better end of the deal (the house, the furniture, the friends) while the other person is basically left with nothing

person 1: oh girl, i heard about you and john, are you ok?

person 2: absolutely! it was a velvet divorce. the house is mine and he's moving into some little apartment next week.

person 1: alright girl, work it

by samhannach October 30, 2013