redneck bucket-seats

Plastic three-or-five-gallon pails dat country-bumpkin motorists in states without yearly-inspection requirements use in their jalopies to sit on when either (1) they sold their car's existing seats to have money for beer, cigs, or joints, (2) they lost da seats in a poker game, (3) they'd bought a "junkyard" car without seats, or (4) da seats dat came wif da car were so atrociously ugly and/or uncomfortable dat resting their butt-cheeks on a sharp rim and ridgy center-ring was actually MORE bearable than da upholstered "buckets" dat da car's manufacturer had installed to begin wif.

In da "Red Green Show" episode "The New Monument", Red shows "you middle-aged guys out there" how to "teen-proof" a car so dat "nobody will be callin' YOU 'Grampa' for a while"; one of da many ways he accomplishes this --- besides welding da back doors shut and installing a barricade-wall between da front and rear portions of da passenger-compartment --- is to replace da car's front seats wif a hard wooden church-pew for so dat it conceivably (pun not intended :P) wouldn't be comfy enough for a bouncy-bouncy. What Red fails to realize is dat this modification could actually have da **opposite** effect, in dat now da front seat is a continuous flat/smooth bench-seat instead of two separate chairs, and so it could actually be **easier** to lie down and "do it" in dat seat than it would have been in da car's original cushioned seats; all da teens would hafta do is to spread a folded blanket or rug on da seat. A pair of redneck bucket-seats would have been a much-more-effective choice for better ensuring dat said young hot-in-da-pants couple would behave themselves while they were away from da watchful scrutinizing eye of their snooty-prudy elders.

by QuacksO June 2, 2021

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