captain sarcasm

The arch-enemy of Captain Obvious, because unlike him, Captain Sarcasm just answers a stupid question with a rather crude or not sarcastic way. Or just simply states facts in a sarcastic way.

Stupid guy: "If I get bitten by a venomous spider, will I die?"
Captain Sarcasm: "No, you'll become Spider-Man."

Stupid guy: "How will my post card be delivered to my mom "by sea"?"
Cap. Sarcasm: "Swimming, obviously".

Stupid guy: "Do you need to use the bathroom?"
Cap. Sarcasm: *holding his crotch* "No, I need to go to the library and read a book".

by DiogoAttitude November 22, 2016

Captain Crunch

When drunk people fall down or get messed up in their drunken state.

*drunk person trips over curb and smokes face on parking meter*
Joe - "Wow, that dude just captain crunched!"

by OSO_LOCO January 21, 2021

Solut the Captain

A shot of Absolut Vodka either mixed or chased with Captain Morgan spiced rum.

Man the fuck up and Solut the Captain!

by Arish A July 13, 2011

captain saggy balls

An old grouchy man

Captain saggy balls over is always complaining about the prices of food.

by Captain saggy balls August 8, 2017

captain kirking

to use a numerous amount of ellipses in a sentence or sentences when responding to someone via text and capitalizing entire words for unnecessary emphasis

Sender of message: I... would LIKE to get to know you... if you're interested... please MESSAGE me...if you want...thanks...
Recipient of message: Wow - really captain kirking this aren't you.

by Bad_Idea_Fairy January 13, 2015

Captain Novolin

That one retarded kid with diabetes who thinks he's a superhero. He's just fat.

bro richard is such a Captain Novolin

by Icosalord March 19, 2022

captain condom

A person who's father should have used a condom. Or defiantly should have pulled out.

Joe is such a captain condom. I bet his father wished he used one .

by Broutiful August 22, 2016