Uncle Ted

A guy who spends an inordinate amount of time in the men's room, and you'd rather not know why.

Jim wondered why that Uncle Ted with the high-topped sneakers was always in the other stall when he took a crap.

by B. Sure January 16, 2003

Uncle Ted

The person in your office who, no matter how frequently or what time it is, is always somewhere in the bathroom when you go in.

Dude I went to the can at noon and at 2, Jim went at 3 and 6:30, and Barry went at 7 and "you know who" was in there EVERY SINGLE TIME! He is such an Uncle Ted!

Those two Uncle Teds from marketing creep me out! They are always hanging out by the sink next to the urinals and I think one of them was trying to sneak a peek at my junk while I peed.

by - Campbell - June 17, 2011

Uncle Ted

noun, Any elderly man driver who ends up in front of you, doing 10-15 mph BELOW the speed limit when your in a hurry. Typically driving a Buick product, Lincoln Towncar, or some other large vehicle. The female variation on this is an "Aunt Gladys". Known to flash their lights or shake a fist at you when you finally get a chance to pass them.

I was late for my doctors appointment today because I ended up driving behind an Uncle Ted.

by Radiojunkie March 22, 2012

Uncle Ted

In the classic Amiga game 'Putty' (and later in 'Putty Squad') Uncle Ted was the bloke that played the Hammond organ, causing all baddies to dance uncontrollably for a few seconds. Definitely a good guy to have around.

Amiga die-hard: "Watching people dance at raves reminds me of Uncle Ted from Putty. Must be hypnosis or something,"
PC User: "What in God's name are you on about?"

by Scatterflash January 25, 2005

Uncle Ted

Ted Stevens is referred to as Uncle Ted by many Alaskans.

Uncle Ted brings home the bacon. He just got $398 million to build a bridge to Gravina Island.

by eskimo87908 December 9, 2008

My Uncle Ted

Refers to a creepy (often theoretical) person who is usually an uncle by genetics or marriage, else is a close male friend of the family who has a strong pedophilia feeling, and sometimes appears to be homosexual too. This always applies to adult men who have been accused or convicted of sexual violence/rape, child molestation, or bestiality, likes pornography, lives in a cave, is over 40 w/ a receding hairline, excessive back hair, ear hair, and nose hair, and/or gets a boner every time he see's a person under 12 years of age. These people should generally be avoided.

Person 1: "Would Chuck Norris be considered My Uncle Ted, considering he has banged every female in existence, which implies that he had a boner while around people under 12 years of-"
Incoming Roundhouse Kick: *POW*
Person 1: *Gasps for breath as he/she dies on ground*
Person 2: "That's what you get for questioning Chuck Norr-"
Incoming Roundhouse Kick: *POW*
Person 2: *Gasps for breath as he/she dies on ground*
Chuck Norris: "That's what you get for being in the presence of someone who has questioned Chuck Norris."
Incoming Roundhouse Kick: *FAIL*
Chuck Norris: "Nice try Mr T., but only I can do that." *PWNZ*

by PossumCuber October 16, 2009

uncle ted

ted kaczynski, the one true father

rest in peace uncle ted

by xX90sCrankerXx December 23, 2023