Functional alcoholic

Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.

Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".

Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.

by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016

Functionally High

When a person smokes enough marijuana to feel its effects, but not enough to alter competence at regular daily tasks or create a lasting low after the effects have worn off.

Becoming functionally high is a skill that comes naturally for some, and for others takes a long time to develop and master.

Person 1: I just got some killer bud from a friend of mine. Wanna smoke?

Person 2: Ok, but I have work in an hour. I guess I'll go in functionally high.

by DJAlexxander September 8, 2011

fully functional

A term used to describe a pre-op transexual who can still ejaculate semen out of their penis.

TS Girl: "I've got a 7 inch lollypop and I'm fully functional."

by wordfacts April 14, 2010

functional high

When you use a vape (mflb) to smoke bud and it hit's just right and you are able to go out and be high with people around, but no one notices.

Person: Dude how are you able to go out a be yourself and still be high?
Me: I use a (mflb) and it hit's just right, so it gives me a functional high.

by Andy'sCandy October 9, 2016

functional weeaboo

A Functional Weeaboo is a Weeaboo who is able to blend into society and hold back overwhelming weeaboo tendicies.

Johnny is the only one in the weeaboo group to be a functional weeaboo, he keeps his grades up and has a girlfriend.

by - Molo December 18, 2015

barefoot functional

When you're so damn over it, so any task that requires you to put on shoes is beyond your scope of capabilities

No, Laura. I don't care if Alan is coming to the party, I'm not going. I'm barefoot functional right now

by sonky1234 March 29, 2023

Functional Retard

A person who is obviously weird, strange, and does retard-like things, but is a fully functional human being, or whatever species they are. Usually they are assholes, but they're usually enjoyable and funny.

Example 1)

*Gonzo screams "Dick Waterfall" in the middle of an instructional period*

Jessica: What is wrong with that man

Amber: I don't know, but he must be a pretty functional kind of retard.

Example 2)

*Actual disabled child walks by*

Jessica: He's probably not a very functional retard

Amber: Dude, that's my brother.

by ThatFuckWad December 4, 2014