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You've gotta laugh when you fall off your sofa

When someone has done something highly embarassing, but it is equally as hilarious. Has its origins in the British tv show, "I'm Alan Partridge".
A: Hey, John just ran into that big pole over there!
B: You've gotta laugh when you fall off your sofa!

you got to be yanking my dick off 

A similar expression to, "you got to be kidding me!" But better.
Harris-"Dude, I forgot my keys in my car!"
Timothy-"You got to be yanking my dick off! Again?!"

fuck off chelsea you ain't got no history 

A saying used in a council estate known as 'Liverpool', to suggest that their football team is still worth playing for.

Liverpool is a football team, who had a lot of success in the 70's and 80's, but as of late, has won nothing, and the dust is starting to gather in their trophy cabinet.

It is also noted, that the history 'Scousers' often refer to, also includes getting English teams banned from the European Cup between 1986-1990, because of their involvement in the Haysel tragedy, in 1985.
Bin Dipper: "Fuck off chelsea you ain't got no history"

Chelsea Fan: "Actually, we have 106 years of History, but more importantly, we have a future, and we have your Torres!"

Sign on, sign on, with a pen in your hand, and you'll never work, again, you'll neeeee-verrrr work, again

You’re going to spin off the face of the earth. 

The mass exodus of imbeciles as they are projected into outer space during the reversal of earths rotation.
Something one would say to or about imbecile during times of frustration.

“ Bo, You’re going to spin off the face of the earth. “

..like it or not you are going to have to deal with someone this week who, to put it mildly, is not your cup of tea. You cannot avoid doing business with them but you can prep yourself not to react to their stupidity and selfishness for fucks off sake... 

..like it or not you are going to have to deal with someone this week who, to put it mildly, is not your cup of tea. You cannot avoid doing business with them but you can prep yourself not to react to their stupidity and selfishness for fucks off sake...
..like it or not you are going to have to deal with someone this week who, to put it mildly, is not your cup of tea. You cannot avoid doing business with them but you can prep yourself not to react to their stupidity and selfishness for fucks off sake...

Off the 5 next to the Ikea. You know, near the McDonald's where we got that strawberry milkshake? 

A meaningless phrase originally coined by Derrick from RHPC
Can be inserted into nearly any conversation.
Person 1: Hey, were you at the party last night?

Person 2: Nah, I was off the 5 next to the Ikea. You know, near the McDonald's where we got that strawberry milkshake?