Skip to main content

crypt keeper

the person who promises to pay money back and then makes every excuse in the book not to pay it back or to duck the situation.
paul, where is my money....
{paulits in the mail, i swear on my life!
by Brian April 22, 2005
mugGet the crypt keeper mug.

Crypt Keeper

Nickname for a biological mother who has done nothing but traumatize her children, then lose custody of said children, and choose drugs over everything and anything. Her idea of bonding is offering you to tag-along for a night of blowing bums and contracting STDs. She refuses to take accountability or apologize for selling her children for drugs, abandon them in strangers apartments, and every other fucked up thing she’s done.
Hey, who’s that?
That’s my biological mother, we call her the Crypt Keeper.
Like from Tales Of The Crypt?
Exactly, but crackhead version.
by poisoned poet April 4, 2022
mugGet the Crypt Keeper mug.

Crypt-keeper

(Noun) - A sexually-aggressive older woman (see "cougar and MILF"), now past the point of potential attractiveness/interest from her own potential conquests; usually identified by rail-thin body, over-exposing tight clothing, a cloud of expensive perfume (presumably to mask the odor of decay), tight facial skin that favors stretched plastic wrap, unblinking reptile-like eyes, and makeup that looks like it was applied by a Hollywood special-effects artist.

This reference is also due to the creature's innate horror-film-like ability to appear attractive from the rear, yet upon turning around they will immediately startle the other person; crypt-keepers are commonly known to be able to frighten small dogs and can cause babies to burst into tears.
"Whoa... she went from 'MILF' to 'cougar' to 'crypt-keeper' in a space of only three years!"
by GraysonoftheWood February 8, 2010
mugGet the Crypt-keeper mug.

cryptkeeper five

The greatest band to ever come out of New Jersey. The blend a style of 50's rocknroll, 70's punk, bluegrass, rockabilly.
by Dan Lehner November 10, 2003
mugGet the cryptkeeper five mug.

Cryptkeeper

people who post cryptic messages on facebook in an attempt to generate inquiries about their emotional turmoil.

(insert cryptic facebook status that is directed towards a particular person who probably also communicates in cryptic facebook statuses because they fail to communicate directly and instead elect to post cryptic facebook statuses for all of Facebook to see and comment on)
Homegirl is being a Cryptkeeper again on her Facebook status.
by googles33 June 24, 2010
mugGet the Cryptkeeper mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email