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country bumpkin 

Contrary to modern belief a country bumpkin can, in fact, spell and they are also articulate members of society.
Also, there ARE female members of this discriminated against group. The females are usually hotter than any other female from any other race/group and once aquiring the male that they chose for life never lose him because they are simply the best at what they do.....in every possible sense of the phrase. :-)
Average dude that managed to get a bumpkin female: My woman is the best that I ever had or could ever hope to have.
Average dude stuck with average girl: My chick is so fucking superficial. She can't cook, clean, articulate or put out decent sex.
Average dude that managed to get a bumpkin female: Sucks to be you man....I got to go get some from my girl. Later.

Country Bumpkin 

Getting head from a baby cow while taking a shit in an out-house
When his aunty sent Jim-Bob to collect eggs he would sneek a country bumpkin in the out-house behind the barn. Bessa would complain but he liked it when he got his jimmy jostled.
Country Bumpkin by Aneta November 28, 2007

Country Bumpkin 

A rude thing to call a farmer, a bumpkin usually spends all day on a deck, widdling away on a stick, and anyone who passes by he points a rifal at and tells to get off his property.
Farmer Harter is such a country bumpkin.
Country Bumpkin by isisj October 18, 2004

country bumpkin 

When a man receives oral sex while moving his bowels in an outhouse
I gave billyjoe a country bumpkin in wisconsin.
country bumpkin by Jonah Weiss August 19, 2009

country bumpkin 

A member of society who writes long, ramblimg, and disjointed thoughts. Puns never intended.
Country Bumpkin is my newest BFF and I love chatting with her in my spare time.

country bumpkin 

The act of giving a man oral pleasure while he moves his bowels in an out house or port-a-potty.
Last night during the parade, Henry gave Herb a country bumpkin
country bumpkin by DangerousDaryl December 30, 2006