uncle ted

The creepy guy always hanging round in the toilet, patrolling for potential poopers before spending hours in a cubicle.

Dude, you've been in here for 15 minutes!
I know, uncle ted won't fucking leave!

by ninjafloater October 16, 2010

Uncle Ted

noun, Any elderly man driver who ends up in front of you, doing 10-15 mph BELOW the speed limit when your in a hurry. Typically driving a Buick product, Lincoln Towncar, or some other large vehicle. The female variation on this is an "Aunt Gladys". Known to flash their lights or shake a fist at you when you finally get a chance to pass them.

I was late for my doctors appointment today because I ended up driving behind an Uncle Ted.

by Radiojunkie March 22, 2012

uncle ted

Your drunk uncle. Even if your drunk uncle isn't Ted, he'd probably respond to it.

Uncle Ted got so pissed at Thanksgiving that we found him on the floor of my cousin's room passed out and soaked in urine.

by Professor Fatbot January 26, 2004

Uncle Ted

In the classic Amiga game 'Putty' (and later in 'Putty Squad') Uncle Ted was the bloke that played the Hammond organ, causing all baddies to dance uncontrollably for a few seconds. Definitely a good guy to have around.

Amiga die-hard: "Watching people dance at raves reminds me of Uncle Ted from Putty. Must be hypnosis or something,"
PC User: "What in God's name are you on about?"

by Scatterflash January 25, 2005

Uncle Ted

Ted Stevens is referred to as Uncle Ted by many Alaskans.

Uncle Ted brings home the bacon. He just got $398 million to build a bridge to Gravina Island.

by eskimo87908 December 9, 2008

My Uncle Ted

Refers to a creepy (often theoretical) person who is usually an uncle by genetics or marriage, else is a close male friend of the family who has a strong pedophilia feeling, and sometimes appears to be homosexual too. This always applies to adult men who have been accused or convicted of sexual violence/rape, child molestation, or bestiality, likes pornography, lives in a cave, is over 40 w/ a receding hairline, excessive back hair, ear hair, and nose hair, and/or gets a boner every time he see's a person under 12 years of age. These people should generally be avoided.

Person 1: "Would Chuck Norris be considered My Uncle Ted, considering he has banged every female in existence, which implies that he had a boner while around people under 12 years of-"
Incoming Roundhouse Kick: *POW*
Person 1: *Gasps for breath as he/she dies on ground*
Person 2: "That's what you get for questioning Chuck Norr-"
Incoming Roundhouse Kick: *POW*
Person 2: *Gasps for breath as he/she dies on ground*
Chuck Norris: "That's what you get for being in the presence of someone who has questioned Chuck Norris."
Incoming Roundhouse Kick: *FAIL*
Chuck Norris: "Nice try Mr T., but only I can do that." *PWNZ*

by PossumCuber October 16, 2009

uncle ted

ted kaczynski, the one true father

rest in peace uncle ted

by xX90sCrankerXx December 23, 2023