First Testament of the Holy Kevinist Faith

In the beginning there was nothing, there was a dark void of emptiness and nothing existed. Then we were blessed with the holy entity known as kevin. On the first day he formed the universe as we know it while on LSD. On the second day he carved the very earth we call our home. The almighty created land and seas covered it with a diverse wildlife and vegetation, He created the human being, some smart some retarded, some sexy some ugly, some chill some annoying. The lord used his limitless genius to create the perfect balance in the human being. But most importantly of all he blessed us all with God’s greatest gifts on the third day. On the third day, we were humbly gifted with substances that could cause miracles, some even describe them as magic. The almighty creator gave us cannabis, hash, cocaine, LSD, aderalls, molly, percs and many more. Kevin selflessly sacrificed hours to perfect nicotine and every drug known to man and we mere mortals will ever be thankful for the humble sacrifices he has made to benefit mankind. The world was a beautiful place, where everyone praised Kevin for all he had done, until he had realised he had made the humans too powerful.

The First Testament of the Holy Kevinist Faith is a text written by Saint Axel to have a written trace of kevinism for years to come

by Saint Axel December 9, 2021

New Testament Christian

A more liberal and accepting mindset among Christians. In the New Testament of the Bible, focus is directed more towards forgiveness and tolerance rather than the Old Testament themes of absolution and condemnation. Therefore, the Christians who tend not to force Bibles down people's throats are called New Testament Christians.

dude 1: "I accidentally texted Maura while she was at church last night."
dude 2: "Oh great, is she a Bible Thumper or something?"
dude 1: "Nah she's cool about it, she's a New Testament Christian."

by Dragomir Andreyevich December 17, 2008

tastamalicious

A very delectable and tasty treat, something that is exquisite and delicious

Bob and I got some nonna's earlier...dude it was quite the amount of Tastamaliciousness

by ithitar May 22, 2006

kick it old testament

Another way of saying 'kick it old school'. Coined in the movie Juno.

"We could get dance mats for DDR that stick to the floor with suction pads, but it'd be easier to kick it old testament and stick mine to the floor with duct tape."

by Alex7 February 29, 2008

Old Testament God

The original father figure whose family got so obnoxious that He decided to up and leave before we even got started growing up.

When Old Testament God gets back from the store with his cosmic cigarettes, He's going to have an infinite supply of Cataclysmic Foot-in-Ass for how we've been treating the place.

by cr8s April 29, 2012

Read the New Testament

A university term being euphemistic for having a shit. Because the Gideon's free bible is generally the only reading material around that is not related to work.

"Where's Harry gone?" "Oh he's gone to read the new testament"

by ConcreteHorizon November 23, 2006

Testamoaning

When you are having sex in a courthouse, i.e. courtroom/ judges chambers/ jury deliberation room, and the girl/ man starts to moan as a result of the sex.

"How did court go for you the other day?" ..."DUDE! I totally banged the hot court clerk during recess!"

"WHAT!?Didn't you have to be quiet?"..."Na bro, I totally had her Testamoaning"

by Officer nipples 42 March 21, 2017