4 definitions by cr8s
The primary parenting method employed by Red Foreman and other father figures with an infinite, lifetime supply of Win at their disposal.
"Might I suggest the Footing of your Ass?"
"You know what else is hot? My foot in your ass."
"You're ABOUT to read a book that my FOOT wrote. It's called, 'On the Road to Being in your ASS'."
"You know what else is hot? My foot in your ass."
"You're ABOUT to read a book that my FOOT wrote. It's called, 'On the Road to Being in your ASS'."
by cr8s February 21, 2012
The favored method of course-correction employed by Old Testament God.
Also, His preferred recreation.
Also, His preferred recreation.
If you fuck with an Old Testament Gangsta, he's gonna open a can of Bloodlust on your ass like Old Testament God.
2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. AND DAVID BROUGHT THEIR FORESKINS, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. AND DAVID BROUGHT THEIR FORESKINS, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
by cr8s February 21, 2012
What God wants to happen to every child who mocks a priest, as taken directly from His Word in the bible.
If ever you should speak ill of a clergyman, God is totally cool with you getting mauled by bears. Even if you're only eleven years old and self-conscious because your dick hasn't gotten any bigger yet.
2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
by cr8s February 21, 2012
The original father figure whose family got so obnoxious that He decided to up and leave before we even got started growing up.
When Old Testament God gets back from the store with his cosmic cigarettes, He's going to have an infinite supply of Cataclysmic Foot-in-Ass for how we've been treating the place.
by cr8s February 21, 2012