Milk the ferret

A colloquial, if you can call it that, term for vicious masturbation.

1.) Carl: Jesus Christ Mark, I was milkin' the ferret the other day when my eighty year old nan walked in on the vinegar stroke. How she bought the shampoo spillage story I'll never know.

2.) Swithin: Are priests allowed to milk the ferret, as long as they don't think lustful thoughts mum?

Mum: No, can you?

by G21 March 24, 2008

Walking the ferret

Cool sounding code word related to masturbating.

yea man I was just walking the ferret and in comes my girlfriend completely shocked that I was doing that with out her

by sneakymcsneakster February 26, 2011

fiddling the ferret

To masturbate. To stroke one's own penis. To jerk off.

After Sara turned out to be a bitch and he realized Heather was a gold-digging whore, Al stayed home, glumly fiddling the ferret to porn he found on imagefap.

by Blenderhead91 September 7, 2010

Tickle the Ferret

When one is wiping ones bottom and either the bog roll rips or there is a finger slippage resulting in the tickling of a whiskery brown 'ferret' or asshole.

Mate i just Tickled the Ferret

or

Man 1: Did you just Tickle the Ferret?
Man 2: Maybe...

by LORDofTHEnorth April 19, 2010

scruff the ferret

The act of masterbation, male or female

"I'm gonna go home and scruff the ferret".

by Westley E November 6, 2007

Waxing the ferret

Attempting to have sex with a limp dick. Also known as pushing rope.

She just wasn't that hot, so I ended up waxing the ferret for a while and giving up.

by legsmalone May 25, 2010

washing the ferret

Masturbating with shampoo or soap.

"You coming down the pub?" "I can't, I'm washing the ferret."

by KenMFan March 26, 2017