Stafford County is a place that is in close proximity to Quantico Marine base and just about an hour south of Washington D.C. As legend has it Stafford County is believed to be a black hole. No attractions at all just a movie theater...Oh wait there’s not even one of those. Stafford is also notorious for clearing land for CVS’s, Walmarts, and places with overpriced rent or mortgage payments. I mean what do you pay for to live there? Good luck traveling out of Stafford because traffic will have you by the balls and when you decide to stay in Stafford, Quantico bomb testing will send the slightest shake to your home every other morning. Stafford County is so boring that this “slight shake” is considered very entertaining. God save your Stafford teens souls because boredom will be inevitable. Parents prepare to fork out some cash to get your houses power washed and cars detailed because depending on how much of an asshole your child is in school these assets will have egg, syrup, bologna, pee or even shit on it. Stafford County teenagers become Picasso with their creativity when they are so fucking bored. Overall, Stafford will suck out whatever life you have in you as it does most of its residents. When you go off to college most people you meet would have never even heard of Stafford County, which says a lot about it. On the bright side Stafford can be a good quiet place to retire or go to the neighborhood gas station called wawa. Otherwise this Stafford is truly a lost cause.
“Do you guys want to play hide-n-go seek in Walmart?” Dude of course I love all the hiding spots in the Stafford County Walmart."
“Woahhh was that just a small earthquake?” No dude you just live in Stafford County?”
“Ohhhh no I left my car out all night and now theres shit on my hood. “ Welcome to Stafford County asshole.”
“Woahhh dude are marching bands always in parades?” “Ohhh you must be from Stafford County.”
“Want to go see a movie or go bowling tonight at 7:00?” “How can we do that we live in Stafford County.”
“Woahhh was that just a small earthquake?” No dude you just live in Stafford County?”
“Ohhhh no I left my car out all night and now theres shit on my hood. “ Welcome to Stafford County asshole.”
“Woahhh dude are marching bands always in parades?” “Ohhh you must be from Stafford County.”
“Want to go see a movie or go bowling tonight at 7:00?” “How can we do that we live in Stafford County.”
by Its Stephanie Bitch 21 July 30, 2018
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