publix

a corrupt hellhole, that seeks to monopolize the grocery industry with higher than average prices, tyrannical managers, spoiling their customers so badly they bitch if they have to bag a single thing and working poor employees to death with outrageous standards, that make them look like scum if they aren't kissing the very ground on which the customer walks and getting plastic surgery to permanently transfix they're faces into a creepy smile that says "KILL ME!!!". but they're not completely evil, they give their slaves a quarter raise every half a year of back breaking labor if they've sold enough of their soul, they give them humiliatingly gay uniforms that have caused a rise in suicides since 1935 and let them go outside (whether it be pouring rain, hot as hell or colder than the abominable snowman's balls) to help asshole customers put their shit in their cars, which they have magically forgotten the location of, so that they can watch the employee like a hawk, to make sure that they don't try to steal anything, and drive off without so much as any consideration to giving that poor soul in the rearview mirror a single cent for they're help. My single prayer each and every night is that I can escape this shithole I foolishly put myself into 4 years ago, if you have a subservient attitude, lack of all emotions except for happiness and no need for a non-existent discount on their overpriced products then this place is your ideal job, you poor bastard.

satan: "well foolish mortal for your sins I've thought of the most evil and cruel punishment possible."

sinner: "your going to make me burn in a lake of fire, while having a pitchfork shoved up my ass for all eternity?"

satan: "no, your going to work at publix for the next 24 hours, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"

sinner: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, PLEASE CHOP MY BALLS OFF AND FEED IT TO DOGS, HAVE A GIANT RAPE ME FOR 7 YEARS, BUT NOT THAT!!!!!!!"

satan: "oh stop whining, here's your free stock"

sinner: "oh, well that sounds good"

satan: "it's completely worthless"

sinner: "NOOOO!!!"

satan: "also you get benefits"

sinner: "well..."

satan: "you have to work for 5 years to get anything"

sinner: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

satan: "well have a good day at work, OH! and here's your uniform"

sinner: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by torturedsoul#1 August 9, 2010

Pubelished

When your contribution to the English language amounts to your blog or Urban Dictionary.

John thinks he's so great because he's pubelished on Urban Dictionary.

by Tex T Editor May 14, 2014

publix bitch

a 16 year old kid forced to run errands

Rachael can't drive anywhere fun. She's just her mom's publix bitch.

by Mike February 8, 2004

publix

where you shop when Food Lion or Winn Dixie is too poor looking for you

Oh no Winn Dixie is much to ghetto, lets go to Publix.

by herndonium September 15, 2020

Publix

Where shopping is a pleasure... but working is an utter hell.

At Publix, we make sure that our associates will give up everything short of their lives to make life for a single customer a better one.

by Ho-Town July 27, 2005

Publix

A supermarket who's unwavering policy is to spoil and pamper every last customer into thinking they are always right, at the expense of their associates. They claim to go to any lengths to protect their associates, but in reality, will scoff and tell them the customer is always right. They labor under the delusion that their employees live to pay freeway tolls, judging from the 25-cent raises they award their most submissive slaves every six months. I don't recommend working there unless you enjoy having customers complain about your five-o-clock shadow, then having to quickly invent a story about why you didn't shave that morning to tell your manager, after which you will be written up. The managers excel at making others feel miserable. Their most common activity is sitting in their air-conditioned office, counting the store's total profits for the week and watching the entire store on the security cameras, laughing manically the whole time. Meanwhile, you are standing at a cash register listening to some asshole yell about how he couldn't find a product we don't carry, followed by an old lady who insists that the 99-cents-off coupon means the product actually costs 99 cents, followed by a homeless dude who reeks of body odor and gives you a handful of dimes, nickels and pennies to pay for his loaf of bread, leaving you to count out the correct amount while he helps himself to the complementary coffee. Five minutes later, some prick raises an uproar over the fact that there is no coffee left, prompting the managers to award him a free pack of coffee in the hopes that this will inspire him to return. Oh yeah, they don't even give discounts to their employees. Fuck Publix, I sincerely hope they go bankrupt.

Don't work for Publix, they will force you to sacrifice your dignity!

by mbatl08 October 23, 2008

Publix

Where shopping is a pleasure, but working is a freaking nightmare.

Dawg, don't ever work at Publix, it's your worst nightmare.

by Da Watcher September 3, 2006