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historian

A student, archivist, and author of popular fiction. A quixotic hero. Eschews paradox in favor of imposing a coherent, and therefore false, narrative interpretation of the past. Still, without historians we would be even more clueless about our intellectual, political, social, and economic context. Historians create the narratives that shape our sense of heritage and our perception of "who we are." The study of history is therefore both futile and vital.
"Historian - a broad-gauge gossip." -Ambrose Bierce
"History does not repeat itself. Historians repeat each other." -Arthur Balfour
by Dusty Cioffi May 6, 2008
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Orwellian Historian

Someone who erases the past to fit their vision of the present. From the George Orwell novel '1984'.
Why dwell on your sad childhood memories? Just have a orwellian historian take your unhappy pictures and home movies and have them destroyed. Then you block them out of your mind for good.
by Stephan Smolka January 12, 2009
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Hollywood Historian

Someone who accepts movie scripts as historical facts and then uses them in debates/arguments.
Joe: Private Ryan was a real person!
Bob: You're such a Hollywood Historian.
by promeistro May 19, 2010
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historians

the new master race of the world, despite what might have been said by the most loose ho in the history of the planet.
historians are cool, nikki is just jealous because she is a loose ho who likes to take it in the ass and partake in a spit roast. A 10 pint challenge indeed.
by Sam March 10, 2003
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armchair historian

Someone that clearly didn't do their research and jumps straight into historical debate. A person that parrots off "facts" they learned in their high school history class and pretends to know the thoughts, intentions and motives of historical figures. Someone who pretends to know history. These people typically think they are above everyone else intellectually just because they know a minute fact that has no application to the current conversation, as if it changes the whole picture.
Random person: "Why did Hitler lose to Stalin again?"
Armchair Historian: "Bro, like Hitler knew nothing about history. Napoleon invaded Russia and lost due to Russian winter. That means that Hitler was retarded because he invaded Russia and lost due to Russian winter."
Actual Historian: "Well that's simply not true, Germany was heavily outnumbered by the allies in WW2 and suffered constant attacks by British air on their infrastructure, making a total victory on the Eastern front nearly impossible. Not to mention Hitler didn't invade farther north than the Baltics. The Russians had even less supplies for their soldiers than the Germans did despite bombings on their infrastructure; the USSR didn't issue enough blankets or clothes for their soldiers on the front line to survive their own winter."
Armchair Historian: "B-b-but NAPOLEON! NO! NO. THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! RUSSIAN WINTER! COME ON! BELIEVE ME!!!!"
by WRUUTED April 1, 2020
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histronic

The history of electronic music, or the combination of a man and a robot.
www.thehistronic.com
by Word Man1 June 30, 2009
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historian

gossips who tease the dead
"Did you see that historian just then? What a bitch, taunting Alexander Hamilton like that."
by Me me big pseudonym June 16, 2020
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