Canadas History

1. when your uncle ties your socks together while youre sleeping

2. when a registered sex offender wins the lottery.

3. when a transgendered moose gets a maple syrup enema and farts it out all over the stanely cup which is held by a lumberjack with a bad attitude, wild eyes and a shit eating grin on his face.
uncle john canadas history 'd me last christmas and i broke my arm.
by HighSnowLordofTheBlowLands February 06, 2010
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Canadas History

A depraved and unusually common sexual act, by which a Canadian tourist and an American engage in anal sex using maple syrup as the lubricant. Upon reaching completion, the Canadian pulls out and donkey punches the American, slipping out the back door and proceeding to burn down her house (as was common in 1812).
Guy 1: Where'd you end up last night?

Guy 2: I took that yankee back to her place and gave her a taste of Canadas History.
by drrary February 17, 2010
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Canadas History

Canada is the part of America we didnt want.

Too damn cold
Canadas History is a history of being too fucking cold!
by TacoMann February 05, 2010
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Canadas History

1) A magazine formerly called "The Beaver" till the name was constantly blocked by porn filters (lol).

2) Canadas history is trapping beaver.....its future is being America's parking lot/self-storage spot.
Ran outta room for my winter clothes...gonna have to make them Canadas History.
by Reinhardtz February 05, 2010
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Canadas History

A point in time where our English founders decided to take ice and frozen wasteland coupled with sickness and countless acres of woodland over the nice sunny beaches with nothing to do but relax.. cuz there arent any fucking winters
American: Why the fuck is it so cold out??

Canadian : Meh its Canadas History
by ClawoftheBeast February 05, 2010
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Canada's History

A sex act performed often by members of Canada's high society in which maple syrup is poured generously onto the crotch of the willing female, who then mounts the face of a moose by holding onto its antlers. The Moose encouraged by the presence of the sweet syrup performs cunnilingus on the woman while the Stanley Cup is positioned below to collect the drippings. Once a sufficient volume is collected the willing male participant dips his erect phallus into the cup prior to insertion into the Moose's anus (preferably before the Moose has slurped up all the syrup). Depending upon the size of the phallus inserted into the Moose, one of two results will occur:

(1) the Moose will become agitated to some degree of insanity and attempt to buck off both the man and woman. At this point, if the couple lasts at least 8 seconds and both reach the point of orgasm, they win the Stanley Cup. This is referred to as the "Two Canucks, One Cup" Rodeo.

(2) the Moose will become aroused, and will proceed to insert itself into the female. If the female is unwilling, a suitable midget replacement will suffice.
Oh, snap! Did you see Steven Colbert and Sarah Palin do Canada's History to Bullwinkle while Rocky watched?
by wizztopizz February 10, 2010
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canadas history

Canada's History is a depraved sexual act first performed around 1898 in the lawless Yukon territory by "Meaty" Georges Gagnon, a French-Canadian prospector during the Klondike Gold Rush. Georges performed the act on many willing and unwilling men, women, children, and domesticated animals (the rumors of this act being performed on moose and kodiak bears are unconfirmed). The act was called a "Dark mar on Canada's History" by local politicians, and "the only interesting thing in Canada's History" by American papers sensationalizing the Klondike Gold Rush.

The act itself was said to originally consist of Georges approaching with moose antlers strapped to his head. Georges (known for having meaty lumberjack hands) would then proceed to fist the orifice of his victim. Georges would proceed to insert his penis into the fist within the orifice and masturbate to ejaculation.

Georges used "the only lubrication worthy of a true Canadian Gold Man", maple syrup. He would chug the syrup, while cursing the Queen and lavishly praising Gold.

Modernly, the act has changed to honor hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky (many considered it source of his greatness). A proper rendition of Canada's History now requires that the victim be bent over, face resting in the cup, which is filled to the brim with maple syrup.

The act risks asphyxiation and is so dangerous that Canadian Healthcare System uses a form called a 1206c(h), which is to be filled out in the case of injuries resulting from the act.
Roommate 1: Geez, eh, you were loud last night with that girl. What were you doing in there, Canadas History?

Roommate 2: No, but not for a lack of trying, eh. We were out of maple syrup.

Roommate 1: Fine Canadians we are eh? Forgive us Georges.
by kingkongNINJA February 06, 2010
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