The George W. Bush Egg Theory, initially coined by David Andrew Gosnell, attempts to give insight into the purpose of human life. Based on David Andrew Gosnell’s version of the George W. Bush Egg Theory, every human to ever exist is simply a reincarnation of George W. Bush. This world, as we know it, is made for George W. Bush and only George W. Bush.
by George W. Bush’s Reincarnation March 19, 2024
Get the George W. Bush Egg Theory mug.The Reboot Van mentioned it
by Urban John Dictionary March 27, 2024
Get the Cat Chest Theory mug.by Alien Shroom March 28, 2024
Get the CRACKHEAD THEORY mug.The belief that what you learned in school is a sanitized fairy tale, and that real history is a hidden narrative of power struggles, secret elites, and suppressed truths. Professor Jiang’s “Secret History” lectures claim to strip away the official myths to reveal how power actually works—often through covert networks, ideological manipulation, and recurring cycles of corruption and collapse. It’s for people who think history class was a CIA plot and that the real story is always juicier, darker, and more consequential.
“Bro, Secret History Theory says the Roman Empire didn’t fall because of barbarians—it was a secret cult of billionaire patricians who engineered the crisis to reset the debt clock. That’s why we’re living in the Pax Americana version 2.0.”
by Abzugal January 24, 2026
Get the Secret History Theory mug.A method of forecasting the future by treating history like a repeating algorithm. Inspired by Isaac Asimov’s “psychohistory,” Jiang argues that large‑scale human behavior follows predictable patterns—like the rise and fall of empires, the outcomes of great‑power rivalries, and the timing of major wars. By identifying these “historical structures,” you can supposedly make scarily accurate prophecies about coming events. It’s geopolitics meets fortune‑telling, with a Yale degree.
“Predictive History Theory nailed the 2024 U.S. election and the Iran‑Israel conflict a year in advance. Next up? It says China will peak in 2035 and then face a ‘Soviet‑style’ unraveling. Check the charts, man.”
by Abzugal January 24, 2026
Get the Predictive History Theory mug.The idea that a new world order led by Jewish intellectual, financial, and political influence is emerging—a “Jewish peace” that will replace the fading Pax Americana. Jiang’s lecture on the topic draws on biblical prophecy, historical models of diaspora power, and game‑theory calculations to argue that Jewish elites (especially in the U.S. and Israel) are uniquely positioned to steer global affairs without direct empire‑building. It’s a controversial, often conspiracy‑tinged forecast of a post‑Western hegemony.
“Pax Judaica Theory claims that within 50 years, the real capital won’t be Washington or Beijing—it’ll be Tel Aviv and New York City. The ‘chosen people’ will finally be the choosers, and the rest of us will just pay the rent.”
by Abzugal January 24, 2026
Get the Pax Judaica Theory mug.The art of using historical analogies as a playbook for modern statecraft. Jiang’s “Geo‑Strategy” series treats today’s great‑power contests as reruns of past conflicts—comparing U.S.‑China tensions to Athens vs. Sparta, or Iran’s regional maneuvering to the Persian Empire’s old games. The theory holds that leaders who understand these templates can avoid classic traps and outmaneuver their rivals. It’s like Sun Tzu meets a history‑channel binge.
“Geo‑Strategy Theory warned that the U.S. getting bogged down in the Middle East was a repeat of the ‘Roman overstretch’ mistake. Next time, maybe we’ll listen to the professor instead of the generals.”
by Abzugal January 24, 2026
Get the Geo‑Strategy Theory mug.