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At least I don't jack off to a picture of my mom

The comeback to end all comebacks. Even superior to Yeah, well your mom was really good last night. Use only when in dire need.
Bob gasped when Bill said the fateful words.
by Militant Liberal April 6, 2005
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lumber jack off

a variation of the game ookie cookie. A group of lumber jacks or campers form a circle around a tree and the last person to jizz on the tree loses. The loser must rub the seamen on his axe for grip and then cut down the tree in order to produce fire wood for the campsite.
We ran out of fire wood on our camping trip and we decided to have a lumber jack off to designate a bitch to get more wood.
by BonerJammin' April 7, 2009
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national jack-off day

A day that everyman in the world has to jack off. The date of national jack-off day is May 5. The best time to jack-off would be 5:55 on 5/5.
Yo im so pumped cause tomorrow is national jack-off day and i can wait to bust a nut everywhere
by floppy sausage April 23, 2008
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quiet jack off

Masturbating without making any noise so others do not hear you.
"Man, I've mastered the art of the quiet jack off. I'm able to masturbate while my roommate is sitting quietly studying in his room without him knowing a thing!"
by romanticizer December 15, 2011
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Jack jack off off

When numerous persons with the name of Jack gather and compete over who can pleasure themselves the best, most efficiently, or fastest. Any other competition parameter works under this term, but it must pertain to multiple Jacks masturbating.
"Hey homie, did you attend the Jack jack off off last night?"

"Yeah man! Jack was on fire, but other Jack finished in record time. I couldn't believe my eyes!"
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Sexy-time jack-off

When an individual, usually a guy, will get soooo into a masturbation session that they'll get completely naked, touch their bunghole, and even rub their own nipples. They might even have sex with a couple of pillows or cushions to simulate a real sex experience.
"Dude, I'm going to go and jack-off. Wait, I think I'm due for a sexy-time jack-off. I'm excited!"
by Andy22P February 7, 2008
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Apple JacK-off's

Term coined(by my bro MMV) to describe the people who work at Apple stores. These fucking tools willl do everything in their power to NOT help you, and leave hanging out to dry. They walk around with their stupid ipod's and think they are the best thing to come along since the horseless carriage. You can get put on some list to get help , but there is no rhyme or reason to how one can get on said list. They walk past you if you need help into the back room where the gents service each others manhoods. The service needless to say eats dick just like the fucking nerds who work there, not to be critical just sayin'.
I'm dreading going to the Apple Store cause I don't wannna deal with those fucking Apple Jack-off's
by TV CAR July 25, 2010
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