Everyone has heard an adult human rectum can stretch to 7 inches without tearing; and that raccoons can fit into holes as small as four inches. The Florida Man, takes advantage of those last few inches of clearance with the addition of an adult brown striped Atlantic octopus. Octopi can fit into anything larger than their beak. So to preform the Florida Man, one must simply trap a dumpster raccoon, catch an adult Atlantic octopus, and then hogtie the raccoon using the Optimus’s tentacles. At that point a fair amount of axle grease should ease the transition into the rectum, potato cannons can also be used for extra Florida points. The two animals will then fight to the death in the recipient’s rectum, without ever tearing the sphincter.
Bets should be placed about which animal will come out the victor.
It is also important not to bitch out and use Atlantic Pygmy octopi as they are venomous.
Bets should be placed about which animal will come out the victor.
It is also important not to bitch out and use Atlantic Pygmy octopi as they are venomous.
Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen come into the ER? We once had a guy come in with a dead raccoon and a live octopus up his ass. Everyone with him apparently had bets going about which animal would be dead when we removed them. They called it the Florida Man Colonsseum
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