Jesus Ortiz

A very charming yet serious fellow, has a few laughs now and then, has a very big appetite could swallow a whole town if it was possible yet very gentle wouldn't kill a fly. if this type of guy is not talking then there is a slight hum coming from him that sounds like Mexican or metal music. Anybody can get along with this person of they know how to take jokes and have a huge appetite.

Billy: look at that guy he is mostly serious among everyone except his gf now look at him laugh.

John: that must be a jesus ortiz!

by senora pansona November 8, 2011

evil jesus

Evil Jesus is a nickname for the infamous E+J Brandy, everyone's favorite bum liquor of choice! Dirt cheap and 80 proof, this is what the dead beats living on the streets drink, and is also favored amongst generally income-limited folks such as most of those in NJ and rappers trying to make it this day in age.

"Swallow a bottle of that ol' Evil Jesus"
- TMFSE

"Told me to bring a sack o' yak and a flask of Easy (Evil) Jesus, cuz he needed somebody to talk to the trees wit'"
-GDP

by Brixton Malinger December 11, 2013

Cabbage jesus

A overweight cunt who is full of life and loves to joke around with anyone. He loves to make friends and will even share his lunch with you. He will go out of his way for anyone!

Bro 1: did u just see that guy? he just gave the homeless family 100 dollars!
Bro 2: yeah! he always does that his name is cabbage jesus..
Bro 1: what a mad cunt we should meet him sometime..

Bro 2: hell yeah!

by Cabbage jesus May 12, 2019

Jesus sandals

When a grown man with a beard wear a pair of leather flip flops

(Man) Hey check out my new sandals honey

(Wife) you mean jesus sandals

by Funnyguy32 February 28, 2016

Lying for Jesus

See also: Conservapedia

Lying is a sin, but Lying for Jesus is good, because it brings poor, hellbound souls to him. Godspeed!

by R0-84N November 12, 2018

pulled a jesus

Surprising someone because they thought you were dead, or, more commonly, being gone for a long time and suddenly show up unannounced.

Guy 1: "Hey, you're back!"
Guy 2: "Yeah, I pulled a Jesus."

by Wartooth June 24, 2008

Jesus portal

Smoking weed mixed with DMT out of a bong.

Smoke this Jesus Portal to take a trip to a different dimension

by Midpaqqqqq May 31, 2020