speeding-Jesus

A car passing you while you are speeding. This car will most likely get stopped by the police instead of you. Thus, they sacrifice themselves for your speeding sins.

Thank you speeding-Jesus; I can keep driving fast now, as long as you are in front of me. Speeding-Jesus take wheel.

by heathcat June 15, 2019

Jesus in a wheelchair?

When about to hell JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! out of rage but realizing you are surrounded by Bible beaters, and quickly changing it to something else as not to be forced to listen to eighty bible verses to compensate for you sins.

Gay 1 (During intense super smash brothers ultimate for nintendo switch match) "JESUS IN A WHEELCHAIR?!?!?'d be funny right?"

Gay 2 "I guess it'd be funny?"

by Archduke of Douchebags May 16, 2019

Pink Jesus

A term used for Pepto Bismol

Meagan: my stomach hurts.

Jayson: you need Pink Jesus.

by BUTT0N September 18, 2019

smoke Jesus

A joint rolled with a piece of paper from the Bible and the filter is a thicker piece of paper also from the Bible.

Or a joint or two that have the form of a cross.

Don’t just smoke weed smoke JESUS

by Jxhnny_Gxddamn August 6, 2019

Jesus enthusiast

A lover of Jesus Christ. Someone who is very excited and happy about the topics of Jesus.

John is the biggest Jesus enthusiast that I have ever met!

by angiewangie October 31, 2017

the jesus jog

An alternative name for a festive jog in December if you really want to piss off some atheists or others who don't believe in Jesus.

Kid: Should we name our race the Hanukkah Hustle?

Teacher: No that would be like calling it The Jesus Jog.

by GrainTrain November 26, 2017

alaskan jesus

Nailing someones balls or breasts to the ice and walk across their back

I gave that bitch an alaskan jesus

by Fuckboi98 May 29, 2016