Skip to main content

one-eyed dick-weave

Panicky movement around unfamiliar genitalia when one's contact lens speeds away through a trough-flow
Witnessed at a gig in North London. There were perhaps eight guys pissing and others waiting behind them. Semi-blind, my friend unexpectedly became intimate with the majority of them. He didn't so much weave as wave his arms about very oddly - and any touch of his did not receive affection.

Fortunately, after all the unintentional cock-play, he found what he had really been looking for. What had bounced out so spectacularly was now resting dimly by the drain. His hands went in without a moment's thought as I waited for the punters to turn really nasty. After all, they weren't exactly in town that night for some weird vogueing below their bollocks.

But all the dark stares were replaced by total disbelief when my friend put the lens back in unwashed. And then there was his tour-de-force - a sudden skid at the exit and a lightning reaction that just stopped him from landing tits upwards. I scarpered. I can't even remember what band was playing that night and, even in nightmares, I find it hard to see them.

But I guess that I generally think of them as bathed in yellow and in my mind they have black eyes for some reason. There is a lot of jerky movement and much falling about in the confusion - and, well, what could all that be I have to wonder? Fuck me, I think they are doing a one-eyed dick-weave dance - let me out of here at this point - let me out. Of course, we used to go to a lot of gigs then but since my illness I've not got out very often.
by My brothers wedding July 29, 2006
mugGet the one-eyed dick-weave mug.

snatch the weave

When someone is in a fight and pulls of a piece of fake hair
Girl if she try's me right now I will snatch the weave of that fake bitch!
by michael hastings June 4, 2017
mugGet the snatch the weave mug.

Fix yo' weave

1) An observation: said to someone who is getting all up in your face over some trivial matter.

2) An exclamation: used to indicate someone is offending your sensibilities, or mightily trying your patience.

3) A warning: said to indicate that someone is pushing an issue to uncomfortable limits to which you do not want to "go", and to invite them to know their place.

Particularily amusing when said to men with short or no hair, for the incongruity of it all.

Often suffixed with "bitch", to top it off nicely.
"You've been on my ass all day about this. Time to fix yo' weave, bitch!"
by SeaBat June 11, 2006
mugGet the Fix yo' weave mug.

Crusty weave ass hoe

A bitch who has raggedy, filthy, dusty, toe up, and nappy ass weave(fake ass hair)
Person 1: I seen shanice at the store yesterday.

Person 2: Man fuck that crusty weave ass hoe.
by King2011 October 28, 2011
mugGet the Crusty weave ass hoe mug.

pat your weave

When you get a fine hair weave and it itches, you stay looking fly by patting it instead of scratching your hair. This is because a weave is not your actual hair so you can't scratch your actual scalp to relieve the itch.
"Girl, your hair looks so good."
"I know."
"Yeah but it itches so badly."
"Just pat your weave."
by Bonnie Jackson June 30, 2008
mugGet the pat your weave mug.

beyonce weave

Having A Perfectly Placed Weave Or Wig That Looks Natural Much Like Singer Beyoncé.
" I Got This Beyoncé Weave That Be Looking Fine As Hell."

"gurl i need To get that Beyonce Weave fo my date"
by kidelectroxx01 August 4, 2014
mugGet the beyonce weave mug.

Hurting Hubbard Weave

When a Hubbard (uncool, slow, unfashionable, annoying, awkward or stupid cyclist) finds themselves in the hurt box whilst riding up a hill, and subsequently resorts to weaving across the road to reduce the gradient of a hill.

The weave may be intentional or unintentional.
Garry the Hubbard from Military Rd likes to think himself a gifted cyclist. He rides lots - at least once a fortnight.

For this fortnights ride, he decides to head to the 'hills'. After riding 3% for a kilometre he finds himself questioning whether or not the protein shakes he has for breakfast have added to his muscle mass or waistline.

Two kilometres in, everything goes dark. He's hurting. He's weaving all over the road, barely staying upright.

He's doing the HURTING HUBBARD WEAVE.
mugGet the Hurting Hubbard Weave mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email