My kidnapper ate my traffic

When you try to think of an excuse

Why am I late? uhhh, uhhhh, my kidnapper ate my traffic

by ascendedbread May 5, 2023

Jake my everything and my baby

Jake is the best person you will ever meet your life could be at rock bottom and you could be ready to end it all but as soon as a jake walks into your life he won’t leave you or hurt you, He will actually be the best person in your life. A jake is the type of person who hates themself more than ANYBODY in the world but nobody understands why they hate themself because they are so incredibly sweet(when they want to be), loving, amazing , I will admit a bit clingy but watch out don’t piss a jake off unless you want to get bit!

A:"Who is that HOTTY over there?"

B:"That's Jake!"

kind truthful hot cute Jake my everything and my baby

by Kristen Fisher April 25, 2019

my house my rules

Every narcissistic parent's favorite argument, only rivaled by "if you don't like it, move out". Expect to be told that even if you help pay bills/rent/mortgage/utilities.

Kid: "Hey, could you please turn the music down? It's 3am, and I have college classes in the morning"
Parent: "My house my rules! You sleep on your own time!"

by That thing in your eye March 31, 2023

not my circus, not my monkeys

absolutely nothing to do with you, usually used to have an opinion on something which you're not entitled to an opinion on. You're acting like someone who is judging a circus, its not yours, you have no part in it, so it doesn't matter to you. It can also be used if you don't like something offered to you.

its a bad idea... but whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys

by doingpatriarchywell November 17, 2025