Ian the Christmas
Monkey
Ian the Christmas
Monkey. Father Christmas is a relatively new addition to Finnish folklore. Until the late 70's Finnish children believed that their presents were left by Ian the Christmas
Monkey.
Upon waking on Christmas morning, the children would grab their bulging stockings and rush out into the snow filled lanes, dancing round and chanting at the tops of their voices, (in Finnish, of course!): "We welcome you oh hallowed Ian, bring us gifts you
furry rascal." Over and over. After an hour of almost trance inducing celebration, they would sit in a clearing to compare gifts, and make
fun of the children who got crap presents because their parents were poor. Then they would be called in for breakfast.
The tradition Finnish Christmas breakfast would consist of vodka and a crude porridge made not with
milk, but semen milked from the family hunting dogs.
Child:
Father, shall we be visited by Ian the Christmas
Monkey tomorrow, as I am hoping for an x-box.
Father: Silence child, I am milking the
dogs; pass me a tissue!