wank coma

The act of masturbating and falling asleep shortly after wards as a result of exhaustion

It was 2am and after pumping out a fat one, I was in a wank coma.

by Bigfatdoggo October 11, 2017

wanking the gank

The act of stimulating the penis with your hand to achieve ejaculation; Male masturbation.

Commonly performed while viewing the pornography of MILFs.

Me: Hey man you see that new Lisa Ann vid on the Hub?
Friend: Hell ya bro I’m wanking the gank to it as we speak!

by The Don 1846 August 31, 2021

Salary Wank

To masturbate whilst at work.

"Has anyone seen Charlie?"
"Yea...he's ducked off for a Salary Wank"

by Guido Lasalsa July 3, 2022

Armageddon Wank

n: the act of masturbating with a level of enthusiasm and vigour that one can only achieve with the knowledge of the impending end of the world.

Craig sat quietly in the room while his undead friends and family members scratches at the door and the last of the battery power drained from the torch. "Fuck it!" Said Craig, "I'm busting out an Armageddon Wank before they break in."

by Brett Mandrake February 22, 2014

Wank metal

A person or group of highly technical metal musicians who wank over the speed and technicality of their music but nobody else cares. Typically those djent musicians who post videos of them playing highly technical guitar pieces from their moms basement.

"Here's my new guitar play-through guys, look how big my dick is! please excuse my sloppyness hehe"
"Oh another wank metal video "

by wank metal April 17, 2019

Bridge Wank

The act of holding yourself up by one hand (e.g. On your bed) and holding your other side up with your feet (e.g. On a table or windowsill) and wanking. The increased blood flowing to the penis makes you more erect.

"Dude I just caught my son bridge wanking in his room."

by Harambeisinourhearts August 24, 2017

Allegorical Wank

Cracking one out over an image which serves as a proxy for an intended (but unattainable) object of desire.

See also 'substitute shuftie' and 'simulacral shuffle'.

Baron Von Trapp couldn't make use of the new governess upon her arrival and so popped to the local church confessional booth with an image of the Virgin Mary for an allegorical wank.

by Theilliterate June 28, 2023