Dick's Sporting Wood

Giant retailer of condoms and other sexual enhancement products.

Joff: My girlfriend is coming into town this weekend. I can't wait to give her the balogna pony. I need to pick up a 12 pack of condoms.

LL: I heard Dick's Sporting Wood is having a blow-out sale on condoms and viagra this weekend.

Joff: Awesome! Do you need me to pick you up anything while I'm there?

LL: Yes, can you get me some of that Black Magic? I plan on getting some poontang of my own!

by joff leff December 28, 2011

Woody's Got Wood

Woody's got Wood. A beautiful and deep love story about a toy and the toy's owner.

"One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood."

Me:"Hey man, wanna watch Woody's Got Wood?"
Friend: "Fuck off dude I ain't gay!"

by iloveapplepieman December 15, 2016

need some wood?

A sexual reference. It could mean the same as "Want to get it on?", or something to that effect.

Guy: Need some wood, baby?
Girl: Sure!

by Qbert November 2, 2004

morning wood

see monopoly and stiffy

i dunno what causes morning wood

by ross March 5, 2004

Wood Thief's Sickness

A condition where extremely fine splinters of wood embed in the dermal layer slowly working toward the heart, lungs and brain over a period of 2 - 5 years. Side effects can include, an extreme affinity for Microsoft Excel, over measuring and having the name Danny. Only affects people who have touched or burnt stolen firewood i.e. thieves or petty criminals.

Danny stole firewood from his brother's front porch and now he has Wood Thief's Sickness

by toomanydavids April 26, 2015

paint your wood

When you ask to paint someone's wood, you are asking to get in a sexual situation with them and cumming all over them. Another way to use it is to ask to get your wood painted, asking to get into a sexual situation and getting cummed on. You also use it by saying that someone's wood got painted.

Example 1-
Guy: to guy or girl: Can I paint your wood?

Example 2-
Guy or girl to guy: Will you paint my wood? OR Can you get my wood painted?

Example 3-
Person to other person: Did you hear that Bob painted Jordan's wood?

by SWAGSEX December 26, 2014

elle woods era

that period when you’re over your breakup and you start to focus completely on school or work, much like elle woods in the movie legally blonde where she realizes she needs to get over warner and that getting her law degree is more important.

person a: you know he said he misses you right? you should get back together

person b: ew, no. i’m so over him. i’ve been doing better at school, it’s time for my elle woods era

by immakinwafflesduh September 12, 2021