Snake Oil Jesus

noun: The person usually relied upon to achieve what amounts to a miracle when given impossible circumstances. This person is often found in a workplace, is underpaid and overworked, and usually ends up going postal. Also referred to as a 'discount miracle worker'.

Boss: "Jimmy, I need you to compile the last 3 years of P&L statements for the board meeting in 30 minutes."
Jimmy: "Right! What do I look like, some Snake Oil Jesus?"
Boss: "I knew I could count on you to come through. See you in 30!"
Jimmy: *sigh*

by Jaq Lemur December 9, 2008

Mauled by Jesus

Puts a hangover to shame. Very similar, minus alcohol. You could have waken up feeling totally exhausted after a night of hard partying/dancing, so sore in fact the only thing in the known universe that could cause such tremendous discomfort and pain would be Jesus mauling you.

*next day after party*
Alex: Duuude...that party was intense...how would you describe it?
Connor: I don't remember, but the pain suggests at one point i was mauled by Jesus

by bobbert the ghost eating toast August 22, 2011

Jesus Cookie

A killer band duo consisting of two men (guitar, drums) who met in Basking Ridge, New Jersey during their sophomore year of high school. Name derived from the fact that both have the same first and middle names ("Jason" and "Charles," respectively). Notable performances include the Ridge High School Battle of the Bands '05 and other varied basement shows and gatherings. Irreverently referred to as "Jason Cookie" by some groups cautious to use the name of Jesus.

Recognized Hits:

1. "Todd" - JCP/JCS
2. "Elmo" - JCP/JCS
3. "Potato" - JCP/JCS

"YO!! Jesus Cookie rocked so hard last night that my face melted and I had to get reconstructive plastic surgery to look somewhat normal again!"

by Jason Charles Sobieski November 5, 2008

Screaming Jesus On A Ferris Wheel

Phrase used to xpress extreme suprise and shock.

Can be used to get attention and/or a cheap laugh

"screaming jesus on a ferris wheel! What the hell is that!"

"SCREAMING JESUS ON A FERRIS WHEEL!!!"

by Tompson Versetti May 24, 2004

Holy Shittin' Jesus

What my Jewish grandmother used to say. Like, when she was sewing.

"Holy Shittin' Jesus - I just dropped another button!"

by Sean Brian Kirby October 8, 2005

easus jesus

Slang name for E&J Whiskey

"get me a bottle of easus jesus, dude"

by [SWS]Daltor November 24, 2005

Jesus Christ

A mythological creature to whom is attributed power to redeem man from eternal damnation as a consequence of sin. Born of man's need to believe in something, Christ is a useful tool for many things: keeping the gullible in line, raising money, imposing morals on others, justifying war, bloodshed, and terrorism, explaining away tragedies like childhood cancer and natural disaster, silencing dissent, and imposing guilt, are among the most popular miracles performed by Jesus.
Christ retains a strong following thousands of years after his invention, despite the advance of science, education, and technology in the years since.

Jesus Christ, almighty son of God, has all power in heaven and earth, except the power to grow a money tree.

by runrobrun July 24, 2011