Jesus

A white American who was born in the Jewish middle east about two thousand years ago when dinosaurs were still walking around the earth because God made the earth in seven days. He was devoutly Republican, and a great friend of Ronald Reagon and George Bush Senior. He enjoyed golfing, the Stock Market, and the occasional damning of a democrat.
He resembled Chuck Norris in such a way that many asked for "his autograph," to be terribly disappointed when he signed it, "Christ."

Q: What would Jesus do?
A: Invade, all the way George. He's practically screaming it.

by JBEandfriends January 23, 2008

Jesus shoes

flip flops or sandals, must have a strap between one or more toes, can be any material but leather is prefered

he came back from the beach and is still wearing his jesus shoes

by oneofone May 9, 2013

Fuck Jesus

What you say when you fuck Jesus

"YO, I JUST FUCKED A JESUs!"

by Chaplin Sinatra Fonzarelli March 23, 2005

I know Jesus loves YOU!

Someone making a statement acknowledging your ability to walk away from an over-the-top ridiculously dangerous situation unscathed (or with only minor injuries). Leading a charmed life.

Exiting a car accident where you were not wearing a seatbelt and you have only minor cuts; while another passenger who was wearing a seatbelt is being rushed to the hosptial to become an organ donor. A bystander says to you: I know Jesus loves YOU!

by Mychelle C. August 17, 2005

jesus

Jesus is the way to God. He died for all of us and loves us very much.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."-John 14:16

by Emery Day April 11, 2007

Jesus

a kid in my english class.

Jesus is mexican but speaks english gooder than me and i was born in america.

by m.m.b.b April 11, 2005

Jesus class

A required class in catholic private schools, most often pertaining in some way to a god-and-man hybrid. Usually accompanies discrimination against women, other religions, homosexuals, etc. Generally the classes, intentionally or not, use inaccurate history and facts. Typically teachers are ignorant as to actual origins of feast days, traditions, holidays, and the like. Frequently denies scientific theories.

"Aly, why aren't you praying?"

"It's quite simple. Though your 'Jesus class' says otherwise, religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration--courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and, most of all, the truth."

by Natsuki October 1, 2008