English is a Northern European language, part of the West-Germanic language family, making it most closely related to German and Dutch, and also related to some Nordic languages like Danish, Swedish, and Norwegian. It is best known for its extremely complicated and inconsistent methods of spelling and pronunciation, often confusing both native and non-native speakers whenever they encounter new words.
Dearest creature in Creation,
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
It will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear.
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it?
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
(Mind the latter, how it's written!)
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say—said, pay—paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak,
Previous, precious; fuchsia, via;
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven; how and low;
Script, receipt; shoe, poem, toe,
Hear me say devoid of trickery,
daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
...
(You'll have to look up the rest of the poem, due to the character limit of the Urban Dictionary.
Dearest creature in Creation,
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
It will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear.
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it?
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
(Mind the latter, how it's written!)
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say—said, pay—paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak,
Previous, precious; fuchsia, via;
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven; how and low;
Script, receipt; shoe, poem, toe,
Hear me say devoid of trickery,
daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
...
(You'll have to look up the rest of the poem, due to the character limit of the Urban Dictionary.
To any ESL readers out there, if you can read this poem out loud, and pronounce every word correctly, your English language skills are better than the majority of native speakers.
by This is my handle okay September 8, 2025
Get the Englishmug. by anonymous August 19, 2021
Get the South African Englishmug. by Englishhater333 August 26, 2022
Get the 5th hour englishmug. Person 1: Man my English sucks
Person 2: Just send a pic of your titties to Dalton, automatic English enhancer
Person 2: Just send a pic of your titties to Dalton, automatic English enhancer
by Swellboi January 29, 2022
Get the English Enhancermug. An internet meme in which any words containing a “k”, a hard ‘c’ sound, or an “s” are modified so that they now read as ‘KKK’ or as ‘SS’. KKK and SS, of course, obviously referencing the respective hate groups. Originating as a form of coded language often used by online maoists, it is now used by much of the broader population, especially on Twitter, to describe racism and far right associations within the thing that they are mentioning. Some also throw it into random sentences as a form of satire.
Maoist Standard English is often used like this:
“Amerikkka is on the decline.”
“KKKapitalism is evil.”
“RepubliKKKans want to make the handmaid’s tale real!!!”
“Fuck BoSSton KKKops!”
“The BoSSton CeltiKKKs”
“Amerikkka is on the decline.”
“KKKapitalism is evil.”
“RepubliKKKans want to make the handmaid’s tale real!!!”
“Fuck BoSSton KKKops!”
“The BoSSton CeltiKKKs”
by EvysTruth December 12, 2023
Get the Maoist Standard Englishmug. A "vegan" frequent Starbucks drinker, who usually has the Karen cut. (AKA the "swooped bang", if they are female.) Also, they try really hard to make life as miserable as possible. Usually, they will do things like pile on assignments, poorly grade you, and they probably have whiney annoying millennial voice.
If they are males, they look either 25, or 60. If they look 60, you probably don't want to get too close to them. They probably be either really douchey or really chill if they are young. Some things they usually do are not stop talking even if it's more than one period, be really monotone and boring, and just suck all the fun out of the room sometimes.
If they are males, they look either 25, or 60. If they look 60, you probably don't want to get too close to them. They probably be either really douchey or really chill if they are young. Some things they usually do are not stop talking even if it's more than one period, be really monotone and boring, and just suck all the fun out of the room sometimes.
Wow, the English teacher graded my assignment, and I got a 69.
The English teacher talked for like 2 hours straight today.
The English teacher talked for like 2 hours straight today.
by Stalins_Yeti7777 January 29, 2022
Get the English Teachermug. The “English or Spanish” meme is a funny, absurd internet joke. It goes like this:
1. Someone asks, “English or Spanish?”
2. The person chooses “English.”
3. The response is, “Move and you’re gay,” making the person freeze in place to avoid the consequence of being gay.
1. Someone asks, “English or Spanish?”
2. The person chooses “English.”
3. The response is, “Move and you’re gay,” making the person freeze in place to avoid the consequence of being gay.
Person 1: “English or Spanish?”
Person 2: “English”
Person 1: “Move and you’re gay” OR “Whoever moves first is gay.” causing both parties to stand still
Person 2: “English”
Person 1: “Move and you’re gay” OR “Whoever moves first is gay.” causing both parties to stand still
by queerqiller June 16, 2024
Get the english or spanishmug.