Intellectual Masturbation

The act of thinking, discussing, and/or philosophizing to no one’s spiritual, mental, or physical benefit, but purely for the sake of one’s own pleasure, intellectual self-satisfaction, and/or pride.

Note: Not all intellectual and philosophical discussion is intellectual masturbation, it only falls under the definition when it doesn’t benefit those in engaged in it, only harms due to wasted time and an artificial satisfaction in one’s self.

I remember when all I would do was engage in intellectual masturbation on Discord. I would use fancy words and blabber all day about philosophy, without actually applying it in any way whatsoever. I just derived pleasure from hearing myself speak about such abstract and complex subjects. What a fool I was.

by Tea76Crumpets796 October 1, 2022

Masturbate

What the fuck is wrong with you jackoffs get a girlfriend already

I masturbate because im lonely

by 5Skin not 4Skin January 9, 2020

masturbation

when you beat the absolute living shit out of your meat package so fucking hard, that a liquid located inside of your ballsack called "semen", "cum" or "jizz", rapidly shoots out of your penis hole at 800 miles an hour.

it can also lead to your girlfriend becoming pregnant and having children if shooting out your hot sticky jizz while your erect, fat, thick, juicy cock is located inside of her vagina/pussy.

(alone (masturbating))
guy: omagash im boutta cum a large quan-titty of kids after this daily and excessive masturbation

(with partner)
guy: oh my gosh im gonna shoot my hot cum inside of your pussy!!!!!!!11111
girl: shoot it inside of me daddy uwu

by Hypurrelet August 14, 2023

native masturbation

When you give an indian burn on your penis with hot sauce.

Hey Cesar, I', going to give myself a native masturbation.

by fuckyourdad101inthea$$ September 30, 2017

masturbate

i assume you guys are here to get horny, so here!

sarah was home alone and extremely horny. she turned off her bedroom light and took her pants off. she was so excited to masturbate that she leaped in bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. she started to touch her breasts and her nipples got hard. she reached over on her nightstand and grabbed her laptop. in the search bar she typed "pornhub." once she got on the porn, she clicked threesome. sarah felt very aroused by the threesome on the screen that she started touching herself. she imagined that her crush, jacob was the one touching her. she slowly crept her finger into her hole and started aggressively rubbing in and out. she suddenly squirted everywhere, but kept touching herself. later that night, jacob came over and asked her to have sex. she agreed and she had another orgasm.

by you'rewelcome69storymaker March 31, 2023

Post-Masturbation paralysis

The moment that last 10-15 seconds after masturbation when you are immobile because you are questioning the existence of everything or you just beat your meat to hard

Bro last night I beat my meat and I couldn't move afterwards

That's just the Post-Masturbation paralysis, it's normal

by Assaddition November 17, 2019

Self-masturbation

1. When someone performs the act of masturbation on themselves.

2. When someone acts like an arrogant twat and tries to present themselves as being smarter, cooler or more important than they actually are, typically by being boastful and/or putting other people down.

This is most often seen online, but can also happen in real life.

1. John performed a little self-masturbation when he got home to relax.

2. Hank bragging about his supposedly high IQ and over-relying on five-dollar words came across as major self-masturbation in the YouTube comments section.

by TaxiFred November 18, 2023