Jesus fucked a monkey! 

Phrase used when a pub door swings back and nearly dislodges the pyramid of glasses being carried back to table, or when a twat cyclist speeds through a red light at a pedestrian crossing and almost kills you, or practically anytime 'fuckin hell', 'you fuckin twat', or 'shiiiiiiit' simply doesn't cut the mustard.
Used sparingly, it's effective, offensive and infectious.

Jesus fucked a monkey!, watch out twat.

Jesus fucked a monkey! by TauntonJah November 5, 2019

jesus slippers

flip flops or berkenstocks

you cant wear jesus slippers working in the forest

jesus slippers by bandana darren February 3, 2020

Jesus christ please save me

I am scared to shit alone at night please help me

Jesus christ please save me $4 off a taco bell meal, a coupon is preferred

Jesus christ please save me by Big Cunt Swallower March 3, 2020

Jesus Crackers 

Communion bread. Only funnier and truer. Best used in the context of satirizing Christianity and in humoring the physical appearance of the bread.

Friend: "I went to church today"
Friend 2: "Ouu what'd you do?"
Friend: "We heard a homily and prayed and received communion!"
Friend 2: "yOu mEan yOu aTe jEsuS cRackErs"

Jesus Crackers by the Dan Dan that Can Can April 13, 2020

jesus harold christ on rubber crutches 

an expletive interjection referencing Jesus Christ. It is typically uttered in anger, surprise, or frustration, though sometimes also with humorous intent.

Person 1: Why the hell should I care about who you want to get revenge on, I want my share! Finish the job

Person 2: Jesus Harold Christ on rubber crutches, you shut your mouth! Give me your hand!

jesus harold christ on rubber crutches by what do i care 125 September 24, 2020

jesus perez 

Jesus Perez is a guy who does not like to be called the real Jesus only jesus. He is really kind and will always be by your side. He might not be attractive but does have girls behind him. He is very smart and will not just help u but will give u answers. He will always try to make u smile and will always cheer u up.

Jesus: Hey there need some help
Kiesha: Yes
Jesus: I will not help u I will give u the answers
Kiesha: Thnx
Jesus: NP

Jesus Perez is smart

jesus perez by JP 30071 October 17, 2020

jesus jammer 

An extreme Christian who insists on telling everyone around them how great they think jesus is. They also like telling you you're going to hell for...just about anything and everything you do.
Usually they Are in a cult "church"
Jesus jams- god music.

My aunt is a jesus jammer, she told my dad i was a lesbian and cried.

jesus jammer by tazra April 2, 2008