The π = 3 Church

When believers subscribe to the uncompromising view that any numbers or fractions mentioned in, or mathematical constants derived from, the Bible must be taken literally with zero room for approximation, adulteration, or subtraction.

Founded by a group of Bible literalists-turned-theomaticians, the π = 3 Church has so far failed to appeal to pre-believers and the converted, especially those who’re allergic to school or college math, despite regularly distributing free pies and pizzas to the poor in the community.

by Fasters February 12, 2023

Church Hen

A woman, often a widow or spinster, who is very actively involved with her local church but for reasons of self-importance, the opportunities afforded for gossip, loneliness or boredom rather than strong religious belief.

The church hens were furious at the changes made by the new Vicar.

by ThePillenwerfer February 15, 2023

SFC ( Safe for Church )

Content that is that dose not oppose religious values.

"The artist won't draw LGB characters. Her commissions are all SFC ( Safe for Church )"

by NatorGreen7000 February 16, 2023

OAP Church Thugs

A gang of elderly women, with big slab heads who bully others so that they are afraid to attend church functions. Intimidation tactics include slander, text messages sent to recipients either too early in the morning or too late at night to cause distress and sometimes outright shouting and shoving matches, always in view of the public in order to assert dominance.

"Margaret Beetson and crew are such OAP Church Thugs. They flat out refused to accept Barbara's cakes for the church bake-off comp.

by Poobody May 6, 2025

Church weed

Weed that doesn’t suck, but doesn’t get you wrecked either. Something you can toke, and then go out in public and not freak out.

A: Are you feeling alright? You’ve been on the same phone screen for like 10 minutes.
B: I’m straight. I’m on that church weed bro.

by Planet12 May 25, 2025

real church

Any church that is homophobic, misogynist, and non-liturgical. Used almost exclusively to contrast conservative Christians from Progressive Christians.

"Your "priest" is a woman? That isn't a real church. "

"Stop being gay/trans and go to a real church, pronouns."

"I go to a real church. We follow The Bible™️."

by SapphicSelene April 5, 2024

Church Shooting

Wow, yeah, that holy war isn't going great, is it? Looks like the Christians have lost their edge. What's the score now?

Hym "You hear about the church shooting? I didn't get an official score but I'll google it eventually... Wasn't I just saying it's been a minute? There might have been a superbowl parade one too."

by Hym Iam February 16, 2024