whiteboard masturbation

A term sometimes used in certain software engineering circles to refer to the excessive use of things like object-oriented programming, specifically its principle of abstraction, to create highly abstract, polymorphic, incomprehensible and unnecessarily complex systems within software instead of keeping things simple.

This is usually practiced by "engineers" who value the "design" of software more than actually delivering value
to the software's users and/or believe that writing software is akin to designing a car or a building. Buildings, for example, cannot easily be torn down again if some part was constructed incorrectly or contains an error, whereas most software can.

While some may argue that it's prudent to keep one's code "clean" or "extendible" and whatnot, excessive abstraction can have the exact opposite effect: You get an unnecessarily complex mess that is extremely hard to untangle once you actually discover a use case which it didn't account for. The result is a "building" that cannot easily be rebuilt - said whiteboard masturbators will then argue, that "it should've just been designed better in the first place" and that the "model wasn't good enough" and will continue to draw UML diagrams that are of no use apart from impressing the sales department.
"Maybe we should use a visitor pattern to separate this strategy from the concrete adapter that is instantiated by our abstract factory so we can guarantee arbitrary observability throughout our proxied chain of responsibility."
"... listen, at this point it's just whiteboard masturbation. Just keep it simple and write a function."
by Aequitosh February 28, 2024
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masturbed

the feeling of being disturbed while walking in on someone masturbating
just walked in on trevor beating his meat, i’m masturbed.
by July 20, 2022
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Death By Masturbation

Random Person 1 : Did You Hear That Phil Died Due To Masturbating!

Random Person 2 : Death By Masturbation? What A Way To Go Out.
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Masturbation friend

Because you don't masturbate with normal friends... that would be weird
Yesterday I had a great evening with my masturbation friends
by Jonhspyro December 22, 2019
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aural masturbation

When someone loves hearing the sound of their own voice, and that person's idea of a conversation is actually a soliloquy or monologue...and simply won't STFU.
Steve appeared to be blissful and aloof, oblivious to the bored and vexed faces of his companions, as he listened to the wall of sound exiting his mouth in yet another round of aural masturbation.
by MoGyver December 29, 2015
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When someone inserts a pipette into the penis hole, and starts the release water in the penis. And starts jerking it. When they finish the water splashes out inside the cum and you start eating it for good luck. People may also use jumpercables to stimulate pleasure while doing Jamaican masturbation technique number 9
Yo Vincent stop doing Jamaican masturbation technique number 9 at my house
by Bleacher brah January 13, 2025
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No masturbating may

This is a challenge you have to do in may. Simply dont masturbate in may
by xdBrazzerrrs;) November 02, 2019
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