1. girlfriend or wife pissed off and wants to end relationship (in case of wife we advise you to find a damn good lawyer)

2. your parents found your stash or are fed up with in there house (normally the second one never happens because they want it to be like you solved it so you cant say they kicked you out)

3.boss thinks your not working enough (because you where not working 24 hoar shifts with no pay) so he is firing you.

4. (rarest of all)girlfriend or wife just want to cuss you out or wants you to tell you to never see your friends again.
1.wife: honey we need to talk.
husband: (thinking) DAMN where is the number for my lawyer.

(mind you this had 2 so i might as well put the 2nd one down)

girlfriend: honey we need to talk

dude: (thinking) shit

2.parents son we need to talk what is this

kid:(thinking) o crap they found my stash better think fast...

(the second one)

parents: son we need to talk we want you out of our house now you have been here for a year now and you said a week and you'd be back on your feet

3. boss: we need to talk, seeing as you hardly work and our sales are down by 10% your fired.

boss: (thinking) he should of worked 24 hoar shifts with no pay... o well more money for me.

4.(wife or girlfriend) : honey we need to talk.
(wife or girlfriend) :(thinking) this will teach you for forgetting our anniversary.

(second)

(wife or girlfriend) : honey we need to talk. your never allowed to see your friends again.

(wife or girlfriend) : (thinking my twisted version mind you) bwahahaha now I will make him hang out with my friends all day long.

sorry for the length of this but a lot of scenarios and just wanted to get them all.
by deraj January 6, 2007
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It's always bad news. It's either your girl wants to talk to you because she thinks you cheated or your parents found all that stuff you hid on your phone like porn or just some really weird crap
Mum: Sweetheart, we need to talk
Jeff: *sweating* What's up mum?
Mum: Care to explain this? *Shows folder full of porn*
Jeff: Fuck.

Or

Becky: Baby, we need to talk.
Jeff: What's up, honey? *nervous laugh*
Becky: Have you been sleeping with my sister?
Jeff: Fuck.
by It's_Kiera_Bitch September 4, 2020
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If your girlfriend gives you this text, you're out of luck. If somebody else does though, they searched your browser history and found your "secret stuff."
"My girlfriend says we need to talk. I'm gonna hide and change my identity if you don't mind.
by Masterchief2653 April 1, 2015
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The person who sent/told you this is probably going to break up with you. Don’t take it personal, they just don’t want to be with you. 💔
Boy 1: We need to talk...
Girl 1: NO! *runs away*
by DreamAboutAnything January 31, 2020
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I'm too shy to admit it but here goes "I want to screw your brains out". A universal mating call.
Two people just met and are just getting to know each other; :we need to talk".
by hercimer February 7, 2004
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1. a warning sign that a social justice warrior (SJW) is about to complain about something- typically existing only in their imagination- using logical fallacies and utter nonsense. esp. when in written form.

2. an indication that the complaining described above is about to commence
white people don't want to date minorities, and we need to talk about it.

white people are increasingly interested in dating minorities, and we need to talk about it.

Magic the Gathering card artwork features Templar Knights, and we need to talk about it
by That.Guy456 January 24, 2021
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Usually what someone says right before a break up
Hey...we need to talk, I really think this is not working out. We are breaking up.
by Teddy bear206 May 31, 2017
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