A state of being created by a benevolent deity in order that man may experience the twin pleasures of beer and sex. Although it has been postulated that team sports and a good testicle-scratch constitute two of the pillars of life, the true meaning is in fact just beer and sex. Be advised, however, that it is not simply a matter of drinking as much beer and having as much sex as you can; these actions alone lead to spiritual imbalance and sundry unwholesome disorders of the body. The
quality of the beer and the
awesome-ness of the sex matter every bit as much as the acts themselves. Well it behooves you then to master the zen of a life of beer and sex. Be aware that many people never fully comprehend the simple purity of the way, as they stagger from one meaningless
relationship to another, often sinking into a debased state in which wine, exotic cheeses, opera, and other devices of Satan are appreciated. What then, you ask, is the true path to righteousnous? What should man aspire to in life? The tao of beer and sex is explicit about this. Drink ye of good quality beer, that it's amber goodness may invigorate and pleasure you, and strive towards a
relationship with a pair of bi-sexual women. Bi-sexual twins are the real jackpot, of course, and any man attaining this nirvana of
relationships will be pointed out in
the street and viewed with an almost religious awe by other men. In summary then, remember that the key to solving all of life's varied problems lies in the bottom of a glass, or looks smashing in a skimpy black evening dress.
Person 1: I feel lost and hopeless, adrift in a sea of
depression.
Priest: Oh for goodness' sake, be a man. Find yourself a babelicious chick, get smashed, and do her and her sister.
Person 1: Wow!
It's all so clear now...
Female: My Mum said that life is a bowl of roses.
Male :
Your mother is an idiot. Now get naked and fetch me a beer...
