Eli

An Eli is a total spazz who excels at taking extreme amounts of shit from his friends. An Eli may physically shake and rattle uncontrollably, making simple tasks like tattooing or touching a woman difficult, if not impossible. Due to his unrelenting self-doubt, a chain-smoking Eli lies like a politician, moves like a lizard, and smells like Gold Bond sprinkled in an ashtray. An Eli will often earn the nickname Rattlehands or eLIE. When being reprimanded by a boss or partner, an Eli will stare into the middle distance and robotically reply “I understand.” Once an Eli crosses through the lonely plains of anxiety, rejection and shame however, he’ll grow a thicker skin, stop crying in public, and learn to ignore the endless ball-busting like a pro. An Eli is at heart a good dude, but his inherent weirdness and inability to communicate like a normal human in social settings lead many to feel uncomfortable around him. This is a shame because once an Eli gains your respect, you will appreciate him being a part of the crew (that won’t stop an Eli from getting all the shit shoveled on him daily, however).

I asked Eli who broke the printer, and he claimed he saw Justin do it. Fucking Rattlehands strikes again!

by IIHeshLordII November 24, 2021

Eli

Some kid who’s obsessed with paper towels and will shit there pants for a paper towel

Eli pooped his pants when he got that Paper towel

by Skyscraper7871 March 05, 2022

Eli

The guy that is very pale, cute, and you fall for without trying to. You’re best friend might disapprove, but mostly everyone will ship you with them.

“ Omg Eli is so hot”
“Zoe, all you do is talk about him”

by Thatonekoolgurl December 07, 2019

Eli

The best friend you’ll ever have. He is powerful and easy to get along with. He may come off as intimidating but as you get to know him you’ll fall in love. he is sporty and presents very masculine. Often very tall.

Person: Oh did you meet that new kid Eli?
Person 2: I’ve seen him around, he’s so scary.
Person: oh don’t worry, he’s really sweet.

by spencerissexy October 10, 2021

Eli

He loves eating humans and is a great human

"Hey Eli! Are there any humans in that apple?"

by Anonymous (janos) December 29, 2017

Eli

Eli is a badass who is a Fucking Goat at Basketball Baseball Football. If you make him he will he will Fucking Kick your Ass and when he is done he will piss on your ashes. He will kick your ass in Basketball Baseball And Football. DON’T FUCK WITH ELI OR HE WILL KICK YOU FUCKING ASS!!!

If you want to kick someone’s ass come see Eli on his online kickass videos at KICKASSCENTRAL.com

by EBUHR3 June 06, 2018

Eli

Seems like a good guy until you have a thing with him and realize he is probably talking to like 5 other girls and leaves you on open 24/7 cuz he couldn't give a damn about you 👍also known for wearing groutfits and ugly ass vests

"Hey see Eli over there? Yeah his groutfit is hideous"

by Ju222222 December 13, 2017