Tombstone Jesus

Tombstone Jesus is an american professional wrestler. A Legend in his own mind. Unfortunately his mind is that of an old fart with dementia. He claims to be the leader of the tombiverse,age in bad ass years and have ak-47 blood type. Even in the wrestling world that is clearly the ramblings of someone with clear brain damage. Usually seen wandering the desert with his equally moronic son Otto von Clutch. The to constantly post the adventures of dumb and dumber. Adventures nobody wants to watch but much like a train wreck they can't help but look. The Worst wrestling match in history is the match between tombstone Jesus and the American giant Buck brezner. As a result of that match to this day having a bad performance is known as pulling a Tombstone. The only thing that may be worse than his wrestling could possibly be his music.

Bro you are in the Maine tonight. Please for the love of everything holy please don't pull a Tombstone Jesus

by Dcw fan November 16, 2022

Jesus Crackers

Communion bread. Only funnier and truer. Best used in the context of satirizing Christianity and in humoring the physical appearance of the bread.

Friend: "I went to church today"
Friend 2: "Ouu what'd you do?"
Friend: "We heard a homily and prayed and received communion!"
Friend 2: "yOu mEan yOu aTe jEsuS cRackErs"

by the Dan Dan that Can Can April 13, 2020

Jesus Shield

People who proselytize and wave Jesus' name around when they are directly or indirectly accused of unethical or otherwise morally hazardous behavior.

Wow - what's up with Ted! All I called out was that I thought his cheating on his wife was not cool and he pulled out his Jesus Shield!

by RoSatanSF October 15, 2013

Jesus trophy

A special award given to highly religious people from the church. They get it when they have been going to church for over 60 years.
The actual trophy has an engraved pic of jesus + the inscription 'god fer lyfe'.

woo hoo! i finally got my jesus trophy,been waiting 60 long years for this.

by georgekoko March 6, 2009

raped by jesus

when jesus comes down with spider people and rapes your grandma in the ass true fact if you commit too satan prepare the aking

i felt jesus in my ass i think i was raped by jesus

by dic kin ya momma bith April 20, 2017

Trap Jesus

Is a man who deals in the trap life, but hold to higher morals and standards.

Trap Jesus said he ain't smoking dope with anyone under 23, because they need to get out the traphouse and go to college.

by †π∆₱ J౿§u$ April 17, 2017

rave jesus

An individual who dresses up as jesus and attends raves. Goes up to individuals having a bad reaction or "trip" on drugs and makes them feel safe.

Friend one: Damn bro, I was so mucked out last night! I saw god!
Friend two: Na dude, that was rave jesus.

by jghfcjvkhjkk January 27, 2019